Nicest Thing
by musesofthemind
Summary: There are moments were we must face ourselves in the mirror and define who we are and who we want to be. With Fitz's presidency almost over, Olivia must make a choice whether to follow her head or to listen to her heart.
1. Nicest Thing

**Hi.  
**

 **New Story gathered the inspiration from a song by Kate Nash called 'Nicest Thing'. Not sure where this one is going but we'll find our way, somehow. Enjoy.**

 **X  
**

"Hi"

It's a whisper, really, that voice that comes from behind her. She freezes a little, and her heart beats so quickly she can barely breathe.

Olivia opens her eyes but shuts them quickly, momentarily blinded by the bright light. Her hand rubs her eyes slowly removing the sleep from her eyes until finally her eyes adjust to the lightness of the room. She takes note of the wood ceilings, the classic décor , the sweet smell of fruit infiltrating the room. This isn't her apartment.

The bed moves, becomes heavier. Olivia manages to turn around, and when she does, she looks right into the pale blue eyes that are staring at her in adoration while she stares at him with confusion and uncertainty that he is really here.

She grabs the cover to hide herself from him, alarmed at his presences.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked Fitz as she takes note of his chiseled abs, and his freshly washed hair wearing nothing but pajama pants.

"I'm here because you want me here." Fitz says softly

Her grip on the covers begins to loosen as she stares at him curiously.

"Where are we?"

"We're home." He smiles softly as he pushes a stray hair behind her ear.

"Vermont?" she whispers shockingly

"Yeah."

"We're not supposed to be here." Olivia says sitting up in bed, knowing this wasn't her reality- that she couldn't possibly be here with Fitz in reality.

In their present life they are irretrievably ruined, she ran away and he stopped chasing her, instead of being a team with him on his last year as president she is helping his ex-wife run for the same office she ran from.

"But we are." Fitz says lying down in bed as he pats for Olivia to lie next to him.

She smiles at him as she places her head on his chest. She sniffles softly at the sound of his heart beating in rhythm in her ear. He holds her tight in his arms. The physical contact draws an unexpected emotion to unravel from inside.

"I missed you." She whispers in the crevices of his chest as she allows herself this moment of truth and acknowledgment.

"I'm here now." He kisses her brow and begins to soothingly rub her back as she drifts off to sleep.

She gasps loudly as air enters her lungs once again. Her heartbeats loudly in the darkened room as she wakes up from her dream.

/

She plays idly with her fingers, ignoring the quizzical stare from the man sitting across from her with his thick rimmed glasses.

"Why do you seem disappointed, Olivia?"

She sighs heavily before answering the question "why would I want to think about him." Olivia says as though the answer was simple enough. They broke up well over a year ago and still she is forever intertwined with him, any move he makes she is still there tentatively listening amongst the chaos surrounding her.

"You've dreamt about him for over a week, why do you think the dreams are occurring?"

"I don't know." She pauses for a moment "He's been campaigning for Mellie a lot so I assume that's why."

He nods in understanding "have you enjoyed his company?"

Olivia shrugs indifferently "its fine."

"Just fine" he clarifies

"It's nice…he's nice." Olivia whispers softly as she begins to rub her finger expecting to feel the ring he gave her eight years ago only to remember she had thrown away.

/

The plush leather recliners remind her of where she is at. She stares momentarily out the window as she watches the houses; buildings and trees get smaller in size the higher Air Force one goes.

"We're pretty small in the grand scheme of things."

She turns her head from the window and smiles tentatively at Fitz as she discreetly looks him up and down, and nods approvingly in her subconscious at his attire. The blue pinstripe suit with a navy tie highlights the deep abyss hidden in his eyes.

"Are you excited to be campaigning for Mellie?"

"I'm more excited to be out of the White House so I'll campaign for Mellie all day if she wants."

Olivia places her paper down as she looks to give Fitz her undivided attention. "I didn't know you were ready to leave."

He shrugs "somedays I am and somedays I wonder who will I be if I am not the President. It's all I know now."

"I get that too." Olivia says faintly understanding where Fitz is coming from more than she is willing to admit. Walking out of the White House and away from Fitz was truly the first time in her life that she ever felt completely and utterly alone; without the White House as her security blanket, Olivia had to redefine herself.

It took Olivia years to have what she wanted and it took her less than an hour to destroy it.

"You have it all together; Olivia."

Olivia shakes her head before laughing at Fitz's statement; if only he knew.

"No, I don't."

"Sure you do. You created one President and now you are working on another. I'm a little jealous." Fitz responds lighting up the conversation.

"It's hard to create a President considering you were born to be one."

He places his hands in his pockets as he sways a little from side to side. "You know, I wish I had the power at the time to create my own destiny and not listen to him."

Olivia stares curiously at him, waiting for him to continue.

"Would you have done it differently?" somehow she's nervous about what his answer will be.

"I don't know." Fitz says honestly "I just would have liked to be in control of my own life and not be defined by my father."

Olivia smiles gently, more than pleased with his answer but also amazed at how much she and Fitz's lives parallel to one another. They both came from broken homes, their mother's died and they were raised by their father to fulfill their dreams and wishes.

"Did I offend you?" Fitz asked noticing the look on Olivia's face.

She shakes her head vigorously

"No" she pauses for a moment "I loved what you said."

Fitz smiles gently at Olivia, pleased with her statement.

"Mr. President."

An aide appears and quickly rushes Fitz back to his office, but before he walks out, he turns to Olivia.

"It was nice talking to you, Miss Pope."

"You too, Mr. President."

/

"What do you think it means?" Olivia asked staring inquisitively at her therapist.

"What do you think it means?" He counters.

"I'm around him again and it's familiar to how we first fell in love but only this time we already have history between us and – it's just different this time."

"Different how?"

She brushes her hair back with her fingers as she tries to find the right words to convey how she's feeling. "He doesn't look at me the way he used too." Her voice drops softly, if ever she needed reassurance in her relationship with Fitz she knew she could always count on him staring at her in a way that made her feel completely exposed yet liberated at the same time.

"Is that a bad thing?"

Her head lifts up; her eyes begin to get heavy with unshed tears "No. It just means he doesn't love me anymore."

"Do you love him?"

"I can't go back to him even if I wanted to, I made sure of it."

"Nothing is irreversibly broken, Olivia."

"We are…if he knew what I did, who I've become…" she wipes the tears away quickly with her hand as she stares out at the window.

"I destroyed us and this time I made sure I set every drop of hope left to burn when I walked out of the White House."

"Olivia, you have grown a great deal since our first cession. Isn't it time that you stopped punishing yourself and found happiness"

"I don't think it's possible for someone like me."

/

The night was still young, glimmering stars against the darkened skies and gentle breezes outside, while inside, in a spacious ballroom, candle and chandelier lights made visible the marble floor, pillars, light blue walls, sinuous statues, silk curtains, adorned and antique furniture sitting on the edges of the large chamber. It is clearly a gallant dwelling, and as to be expected it is filled, flourishing in a celebration night, with an orchestra, dancing pairs in the center, conversing people, a table strewn with the most variable foods and drinks.

She watches Mellie work the crowd, speaking fondly and kindly to all the donors in attendance. Her eyes find Marcus smiling proudly at Mellie and for a moment she freezes at the sudden Déjà vu. Is it possible that her eyes are deceiving her, before she could make a conclusion, she is interrupted.

"Are you ready?"

She turns her head to acknowledge and tips her glass of wine.

"Ready as I'll ever be."

The crowd roars as President Grant walks to the front standing beside his now ex-wife.

Olivia supposes she should be shocked by the warm applause for the President but she's not. Without her standing in the way, Fitz has grown into a President that he was always destined to be- great. The stories that will be told about his fall and rise as President. She was his down fall and now he will be remembered and cherished for the years to come.

"It's amazing to see how much they respect him." Abby says to Olivia from the back of the room.

Olivia shakes her head. "It's not- everyone loves him." Olivia responds simply with no animosity but only stating the truth.

"In three month, we will have our next President." Abby pauses for a moment as she too takes in the crowd "it doesn't seem fair- we were just getting started… Olivia if you could see him now; he's changed so much in such short period of-"

"He was born for this Abby. His father trained him to be the President."

Abby nods in agreement having heard the stories about Big Jerry.

"But still, he deserves this. He deserves to feel accomplished and happy."

"He does." Her voice whispers out softly before walking into the crowd.

Loud noises. Bright lights. They were all standing in the same large room. They babbled, chatted, gossiped, admired, chuckled, and envied. Most of their hearts were corrupted, overflowing with deceit and detestation, but in the crowd was the innocent but even they too will join the temptation that is D.C.

Her eyes are discreetly on his, following his every move and where about; watching the fake smiles, and empty words as men and women flock around him, hoping and believing that if near him long enough they too will become powerful and the ruler of the free world. But little do they know that his power springs internally from his benevolent heart.

Fitz smiles graciously at the people, greeting everyone by their name and sparking some form of bond with them, there are times where his job was tedious at moments but there was moments were he could see his impact in these people lives; his words, his presence could change the nonbelievers into believers.

He always underestimated his power over people, that with a handshake and soft smile he could inspire his people to definitively be better.

He walks into the garden discreetly, needing a moment to take this all in.

His eyes squint as he sees a beautiful silhouette sitting on a bench in the garden. He smelled her before he saw her but still even in the darkness of the night her beauty and grace shines brighter than any star he has ever seen. The crème strapless dress with encrusted diamonds creates this luminous effect on her skin as though the stars have fallen from the sky and landed gently on her skin.

Fitz knows he should make his presence clear but he needs this unobstructed moment to marvel at her. To this day she still has no idea about how her existence has vastly changed his philosophy on life and love.

The voices of the crowd stopped bothering her once she stepped on the banquet hall's terrace, and made her way down to the garden far from the ball, far from everyone else. She inhales and exhales the cool crisp air penetrating her lungs. She likes it out here.

"Are you cold?"

She jumps at the voice.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to frighten you." Fitz apologizes

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked as she looked around for agents or aides following after him.

"I just wanted some fresh air." Fitz says simply "But I was intruding so I'll just head back in."

"No." Olivia rushes out quicker than what she was planning to. "Please stay."

He slides off his jacket and places it gently around her shoulders as he moves to sit next to her on the bench. He didn't think anything of the moment, whenever they would go to a function; Olivia would protest at wearing a shawl or jacket of some sort but always would shiver cooled leaving Fitz to automatically take his jacket off to keep her warm.

"You still don't like wearing jackets."

"It takes away from my dress." Olivia retorts jokingly causing Fitz to chuckle softly.

"Well that it does. You look beautiful by the way."

"Thank you." She blushes at the sweet sentiment.

She tightens the jacket and subconsciously she inhales his scent and for a minute everything that happened to them was untrue.

With his eyes set in front as he watches the fireworks, breathlessly Olivia gazes at him with warmth and kindness.

She was falling, slipping desperately at his close proximity. Forming attachments of any sort causes a sense of imbalance in life. But it was already too late to stop the bubbling in her stomach at his smile or the aching loss at watching him walk away.

Fireworks begin to light the sky.

"Fitz"

"Yeah, Liv?"

Her eyes catch his grey eyes piercing into her soul and she is momentarily stunned by the interminable feeling resonating with her at his tender stare.

She places a hand on her stomach as butterflies fill her stomach in fear and excitement.

"I was wondering-"

"There you are." A soft voice says from behind them.

Fitz turns and smiles happily at the familiar face making its way towards them. Olivia watches the interaction keenly, as tries silently to fill in the missing pieces.

"Hi, Olivia. It's great to finally meet you; Fitz has spoken so highly of you."

Olivia shakes the hand kindly.

"It's nice to me you too."

"I'm sorry for my lack of manners. Olivia, this is Emily-my girlfriend." He says softly.


	2. Much Worse Games To Play

**I am completely overwhelmed with the reviews and support. This story is my anecdote for season 6. Until Next Time...XOXO.  
**

 **'Much Worse Games To Play'-Hunger Games soundtrack**

 **X  
**

The first time she laid eyes on him Olivia found herself struggling, drowning in the depths of his eyes and his words that could have easily been echoed from her own lips. He was a mystical object that she was unable to hold onto.

Olivia stares up at the ceiling with tired eyes and furrowed brows deep in concentration hoping to remain on a subject that doesn't revolve around him or _her_.

She wasn't expecting to have such a raw reaction to the sight of _her_ touching him. After _she_ walked in on them, the night blurred together; images and moments became hazy as she told herself to keep walking even if it meant walking anywhere.

She loved him first.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked looking at Olivia climb on top of him.

She doesn't respond, everything is wrong.

"Olivia, what's wrong?" Jake pressed again. When Olivia called him, he knew what she wanted and he knew the common denominator but not what has forced her to call him after months of silence and rejection.

She fumbles with his pants.

"I'm fine" she hushes out as she positions herself on the bed with him hovering over her as he enters her quickly and swiftly.

"Look at me" he begs

"No" Olivia says simply as she closes her eyes at the empty action.

A knot in her stomach forms at her deeds, there is no gratification, no climax only further self-destruction on all the things she has created.

Endless pounding ensues as her body hardens, shattering into a million pieces until finally she dissipates into nothingness.

"You're crying?" he says shocked and hurt

Her head turns promptly as her cheeks are moisten by her tears.

She attempts to move but he keeps her still underneath him.

"Why are you crying?"

Olivia wipes her tears quickly "shut up"

"What did he do?" Jake asked Olivia softly hoping to appease to her softer nature.

Her heart stopped beating; she was completely immobile at the mention of him being brought up. Is she always so easy to read?

She jumps from the bed grabbing her robe to cover herself from Jake's judgmental stare- she shouldn't have called him.

"I didn't bring you here to talk." Olivia exclaims matter of fact

"No, you brought me here to take your mind off of _him_."

They stare at one another, neither willingly to back down from the other.

"Get back in the bed, Olivia."

All that is heard in the darkened room is Jake's sigh of frustration.

"We both know how this is going to end." He reminds her and sadly she knows this to be true.

The vicious cycle has continued once again.

/

"It feels like I'm drowning and nobody can save me." Her eyes fall on the clock sitting on his desk slowly ticking away "I feel ashamed that I allowed somebody to be that important to me that without him I feel hopeless-nobody understands how much it hurts. You replay the defining moment that ended your relationship over and over again like a song; you expect it to skip over but it doesn't."

Olivia looks towards the end of the room where the birds fly freely from outside. How desperately she wishes to fly away and never return.

She is tired of the pain. Tired of the suffering, she has had very little sleep since the day she saw him with her. Olivia expected that it would take her some time to adjust to the idea of another being on his shoulder but the visceral anguish has mercilessly gnawed at her every second of the day.

He sits idly and waits to hear her sins, and confess she does.

"You slept with Jake." There is no jealously, no one sided argument or disapproval. It's peaceful to the mind how she can unleash her inner thoughts and turbulence and not fear repercussion or shame. If only had she done this sooner, how different would her life be?

"I'm not proud of myself or my actions." Olivia whispers as she looks down at her hands in shame.

"Why?"

"Because I slept with a married man-again."

"Have you not enjoyed your coupling before?"

"It depends-"

"What does it depend on?"

She pushes the stray hair back as she tries to find the right words to convey the meaning of her relationship with Jake. "It's not enjoyable- not the way it seems."

"Then why do it?"

"It's almost like a punishment."

"And why do you punish yourself, Olivia?"

Her heart began to race, the fluttering in her chest rose. Therapy was a voluntary choice yet still there are pieces of information that she is not ready to disclose. The pain…the memories, they all begin to rush to the forefront.

Olivia doesn't answer, somethings are better left unsaid.

"I'm just tired of fighting."

"What are you fighting for Olivia?"

"Hope."

His hand stops moving, he places his pen on the table as he devotes his attention to Olivia.

"What action triggered your reaction?"

She pauses at the question that she easily knows the answer too but not willing to reveal.

"I don't want to say."

"Okay." He responds calmly knowing not to press Olivia when she feels cornered.

They sat in silence for what felt like eternity, waiting for the other to speak.

"What do you wish to talk about Olivia?"

A trembling voice breaks the silence of the quieted room. "Why do I resort back to my old behavior- I wasn't sleeping with him until…." She stops as tears filled Olivia's eyes at her words.

"Until what Olivia."

She ignores the question "everyone has something to say about our relationship- a comment, an opinion. They judged us before they even knew what we stood for…" She plays absentmindedly with her ring finger "Cyrus, Mellie, Jake, my father- they all had a preconceived notion about our relationship-I never deserved him."

"That's interesting."

"What?" Olivia asked lifting her head up

"The people closes to you, opposed your relationship with Fitz- why do you believe that is?"

A dissatisfied grin forms as she recalls the many remarks used to manipulate them "they were jealous of us, every single one of them had an ulterior motive for the demise of our relationship."

"Why would they want you to fail?"

"Mellie and Cyrus wanted Fitz to themselves and because he loved me and I loved him they knew they couldn't' compete with me. My father and Jake they wanted me to themselves and they knew with Fitz always being there they would be second to him."

The many plots and twist are forming around her and Olivia is keenly aware of the moves yet she can't summon the energy better yet the will to fight against them.

"Why do you sleep with Jake?"

"I don't know." Olivia shrugs helplessly "I think I sleep with him because it's better than sleeping alone."

"And now you are with Jake again."

"It's like a movie- we fall in love and the wicked witch tries to destroy us but we only come back stronger and more united than ever. I replay our movie every night- part of me wonders how a story like ours could end on such a dissatisfying note but then I remember that this isn't a movie- it happens all the time."

"What happens-"

Tears burn her eyes; tissue balled tightly in her hand. "We don't always get the happy ending."

"And what would be your happy ending, Olivia?"

"To be happy"

/

"Where are we in the polls?" Olivia asked as she walked into conference room at OPA.

"Mellie is behind by 3 percent in the national poll." Huck points out as he types away on his computer.

"What does Mellie have scheduled for this week?"

"She has a campaign in Washington on Monday, Wednesday President Grant will be campaigning with her in California and Thursday she and President Grant will be having a joint interview with Diane Sawyer."

Olivia nods her head in confirmation.

"Quinn."

"Jake and Vanessa will be in Florida for this week, working closely with Governor Roberts on sealing several representatives and Thursday he will be scheduled for the vice president debate."

"Good. Quinn you fly with Jake to Florida. Marcus, you and I will be handling Mellie. Huck, I need you to stay active and current on all social media aspects- I want nothing to get pass you, is that understood."

"I got you, Liv."

"Let's move." She commands as she walks into her office shutting the door.

/

For the past two weeks she has avoided coming here but eventually she knew she would have to muster the strength and face him once again. Olivia grimaces at the sight of Jake walking into the White House accompanied by Quinn and Huck.

With another sigh, Olivia flicks her attention briefly to Mellie and Marcus coming into the conference room with smiles on their faces.

She takes note of their happiness and her own misery.

Abby rushes in out of breath. "The President is finishing up a meeting but he should be here shortly."

Tossing the folder aside, she sits back in her chair and breathes deeply.

"Sorry, I'm late." He apologizes as he walks in the room and quickly finds a seat, not waiting or wanting to be acknowledged. That has always inspired Olivia about him, it was never the title that he wanted, he could care less about the accolades; all that mattered to him was doing his job.

The background noise slowly begins to cease as all eyes focus on her next move. Having perfected the art of dexterity Olivia was able to keep going under the eyes of her friends, foes and lovers.

"We have a busy schedule ahead of us, Mellie will be campaigning with Fitz in California on Wednesday, Thursday Jake will have his town hall Vice President debate in Florida and also on Thursday Mellie will be doing a joint interview with President Grant but it will be airing on Friday. I am telling you all we have our work cut out for us but I know we can do this and be successful- this is our chance to win." Olivia says passionately and truthfully she does feel she could finally have a win on her list.

The room nods and agrees with excitement at the prospect of taking the lead. Mellie glimmers with happiness and pride as she envies the White House that she has been looking forward too.

"So how is this going to work, Liv?" Quinn asked looking at the jam pack schedule.

The room senses Olivia's hesitation as she tries to find the right words "Marcus has been doing a fantastic job with Mellie…"

"You've got to be kidding me." Mellie groans in frustration cutting Olivia off before she could begin

"Marcus will be with you Mellie, and I will be in Florida helping Jake out with the debate because Cyrus will demolish him and he needs to be prepared."

"I'm sorry but who exactly is running for President?" Mellie asked refusing to back down to Olivia "My interview with Fitz will be the most watched interview in the past two years but instead of focusing on your candidate you would rather focus on your boyfriend."

"Mellie" Marcus scolds

"No" Her head shakes furiously as she stands up and walks towards Olivia who does not back down "I understand that you are sleeping with him and that you have a thing for married men but I'm not paying you _this_ time to screw around."

Her head falls in shame as everyone scatters to leave. She sighs heavily as she gathers her belongings frustrated and embarrassed that Mellie would say such things in front of everybody including her subordinates. The look on their faces was not a look of surprise; they have sadly grown accustomed to her actions. They knew she was sleeping with Jake.

"Mellie, always knew how to end a meeting." he says from his chair never once moving from his spot

Olivia's head rises as her skin begins to crawl at the sound of his baritone voice vibrating throughout the room, she could have sworn she watched him leave with Abby.

"Yeah" she sighs heavily with her back faced towards him.

"I guess it's true." He says softly

"Why do you say that?" Olivia asked

"You didn't deny it and you never lie, even when lying would be easier." He smiles softly as he watches Olivia walk around the room without turning around to look at him.

"You already know the answer." Olivia retorts

"I've always known."

Olivia swallowed tensely, her eyes blinking rapidly at his statement.

When a few seconds passed, and Fitz still hadn't said anything or even moved, Olivia felt compelled to look at him.

To Olivia, time stood still when his soft grey eyes caught hers, holding for a moment before she made her way towards him.

She can't read him.

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked, playing as though she didn't hear him but they both know she did.

"You and Jake- I'm not surprised." He pauses for a second "not even a little bit."

She stands tall in defiance with her arms folded readying and preparing herself for the emotional and mental onslaught that will occur.

"What"

"Jake made sure to tell me every chance he got that he was there for you when I wasn't able to be." Fitz stands up and begins to walk around the room as he too finds himself struggling with answering and accepting his own words.

"You and me" his finger traces the oak table as he walks around "we never had chance." He says dolefully as he looks up at Olivia "your father, Mellie, Jake, Cyrus- it was never just you and me"

Subconsciously Olivia makes a face of disapproval at the mention of his name being echoed by Fitz, for some reason his name felt taboo on his tongue.

"Your father hates me and I hate him. Because I fell in love in with his daughter, he stole my child from me." His eyes begin to water as he thinks about the worst day of his life, how his son died in his arms and to be the most powerful man in the world and he couldn't even save his own son.

The cruel punishment that comes with wearing the crown.

Olivia is frozen as she listens to him speak with clarity and honesty.

"Your father hates me and the feeling is mutual, but you love him and he loves you."

Olivia shakes her head subtly as she promises herself not to cry. The voice she was born with was threatening to come out and scream to him, that he was right all along- everything she thought was true and real was all an illusion except for him.

Despite the many doors opening and closing on her; there is still one door that will always remain open.

"You don't deserve to sleep with Jake."

His words remove her from her momentary reverie as she looks at him with sudden anger at the thought of once again not being good enough for somebody- anybody.

"But I deserved to be your mistress for eight years, right Fitz." Olivia snaps calmly with a hint of bitterness in her tone.

"No" he shakes his head as he walks towards Olivia "You didn't deserve to be my mistress. " he stands in front of her with no animosity but only the deepest sincerity of his actions " I- I tried…to make you my First Lady." He smiles mournfully at the demise of their relationship; still sometimes he does wonder- how did they end up here. How is it that two people who are meant to be together in every aspect of the word can never seem to find the right time?

Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at him.

"I'm sorry for trying to make you into something you didn't want."

Her nose crinkles "who said I didn't want it?" her voice cracks

His gaze shifts until she sees him looking at her directly at her, greys eyes meeting brown eyes. "You just didn't want it with me." He acknowledges woefully as he looks around the room, taking Olivia's words the wrong way.

The tension between them was thick and heavy. Olivia's stare caught his and stood transfixed. There was something magnetic about him calling to her, pulling her towards him, hoping that if she is near him then perhaps maybe both of their suffering could cease if only for a minute.

"I'm moving on Olivia. You don't have to worry about choosing him over me."

She raises her head as he moves closer to her. She feels positively sick at the thought of him moving on without her.

He's not fighting for her anymore- he's letting her go.

It is ironic how fate happens- we push the people we love away in hopes they will retaliate and pull us closer but when you push away and he doesn't pull back, you feel ashamed that you jeopardized the most important relationship of your life all because of a fear that you manifested .

"You don't have to love him. You don't have to love me. I just want you to love yourself."

Olivia tries to maintain her poise, but it has proven more difficult with each passing. Their eyes met and they stared at each other for a while, her insides began to tremble and she found herself struggling to breathe, her heart breaking at the realization that she was still and always will be in love with him.

"How can you stand to look at me?"

"What's not to love?" Fitz counters and hopelessly and irreversibly Olivia began to swim in the depths of grey eyes.

Staring at her, he smirks softly. His smile is quiet beautiful- rare rather, only a select few have managed to see his true smile that radiates from within. He's like a summer breeze softly blowing with the wind.

Unknown to her, Fitz manages to examine every mole, freckle, and blemish to memory, her face alone has added a thousand years to his sufferings but oh what a way to suffer.

"Don't settle for less, Olivia. You deserve everything you want in life and more."

"I don't" she says pitifully

"I never met anyone more deserving of happiness and completion."

The sparks fly in there deserted utopia for two, how possible with such few words exchanged they spring closer to one another amongst the rules and chains that keep them separated. In her dreams he rouses into her conscious seeping into her mind and body.

"I want you to be happy too." Her brown doe eyes glow with unshed tears. Despite everything they have done too one another she still wishes to see him happy even if it means letting her go in the process because a man like him who has suffered so greatly deserves to find peace.

Without a word he reaches for her and she falls hopelessly in his arms.

He holds her tighter than he should but she doesn't complain only returning the gesture with a tightness of her own.

"We'll find it somehow." He whispers in her ear with his hand gently stroking her back.

She sobs silently in the crook of his neck, burying her face in his chest, needing him to comfort her; to still love her as he swore he always will.

With his arms as her anchor, Olivia was home.

/

"Are you going to let me in?"

She opens the door slightly with the bolt still in place.

"No."

"Come on, Olivia." Jake coaches

"No, I'm done." Olivia says firmly

Jake looks at her, while she appears the same in every aspect he can sense the difference in her posture, she's standing tall, firm.

"He got to you, didn't he?" It's not question, he knew the minute he walked out the door of the White House, Fitz would somehow manage to win her over without ever really trying.

"This has nothing to do with him."

"This is all about him, you calling me to come over and then crying as I make love to you…" he stops himself as he looks at Olivia pointedly "you found out about Emily."

Olivia doesn't respond, she can't.

"He's moving on."

"Jake…" Olivia warns as her resolve to remain strong begins to slowly falter.

"You don't have a chance with him"

"I don't want one." Olivia says passionately "I am tired of fixing everybody!" Olivia yells before regaining her composure

"I am going to fix myself." Olivia promises "and not for him or you or anybody. I am taking care of me."

"He's playing games with you, Olivia."

"There are much worse games to play."

/

Car after car are lined across the Grant Estate.

The house is swarming with people. Assistants change the décor slightly, the cameraman begins to adjust lighting; the crew begins to work tirelessly in the silent chaos.

She walks around the house she knows all too well.

She nods at Marcus who points Mellie into her direction. Despite what she expected Mellie smiled at Olivia, pleased and suddenly at ease with her presence, Olivia reciprocates the smile before walking deeper into the estate.

Behind a vase she hides as she watches him come down the stairs with Abby by his side. He pauses at the end of the stairs as though he wasn't sure if he was actually seeing her.

Olivia moves from behind and walks towards him, she acknowledges Abby but stops at the sight of Fitz looking at her with upmost pride.

She made the right decision.

"Hi" His voice is ethereal like a whisper but the pitch vibrates deeply in his diaphragm.

"Hi" Olivia whispers shyly as Abby walks away to give them space.

"I'm surprised to see you here."

"I wouldn't have missed this." Olivia promised

"Well, I'm glad you're here." Fitz says happily

"Me too." Olivia says truthfully.

"Mr. President we need to get you mic in fifteen." An aide says rushing by.

"Wait" Olivia rushes out grabbing Fitz's arm.

"Yeah Liv?"

"I never…I never said Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything."

He smiles gently at her compliment

"Thank you, Olivia." He pauses "For everything."

"Everything?" She asked making light of their past.

"Everything." Fitz says chuckling softly at Olivia's joke.

"You almost died because of me." Olivia warned

"Same." Fitz retorts remembering when Olivia was kidnapped.

They exchanges smiles and silent memories- though they had many setbacks and failures; neither could truthfully say they regretted ever meeting.

"You know, Olivia." Fitz says moving closer to her then what would be appropriate "I think we were always meant to find one another."


	3. Whether You Fall

**With this election, my mind and spirit has needed a break from the real world. Until Next Time. Muse.**

 **Whether you fall  
Means nothing at all  
It's whether you get up  
It's whether you get up**

 **Maybe all eyes are on you**  
 **As you finish the race**  
 **And the world sees you struggling**  
 **For last place-**

 **Tracy Bonham- Whether you Fall**

 **X**

The lights are dim. She reaches for her glass of wine as she curls up in her usual spot on the couch, waiting for the primetime special to air, show casing the Grant's relationship and life outside of the divorce.

She freezes the TV as she looks at the picture of them from the governor's ball; she smiles softly at the memory of him seeing her in that dress.

/

 _"What do you think?" Olivia yelled from the White House closet_

 _"You have to come out of there so I can see." Fitz yelled back_

 _"Or" Olivia said wrapping her arms around him "You can come to me."_

 _He turns her around in his arms making sure to get a good look at her. "Well, the way you look in this dress I don't think I would be having a problem with coming at all."_

 _She laughs at his joke. Pecking him softly on the lips before walking away._

 _Fitz pulls her back causing Olivia to giggle uncontrollably "Where do you think you're going?" Fitz murmured_

 _"I was trying to finish getting ready." Olivia said softly with lightness to her voice_

 _"I'll get you ready" Fitz whispered as he began to undress Olivia's._

 _"Fitz" Olivia moans softly trying to stop him from making them late to the ball._

 _"We can't be late to the ball."_

 _"Then we better make this quick."_

 _She looks in his eyes and she knew she was gone the minute he smiled at her. Who needed a ball when she was already have the time of her life with just him._

/

She smiles painfully at the picture of them before hitting playing. This isn't a movie; Olivia can't rewind her story once that scene is over. Time keeps moving regardless of her silent pleads for time to cease for just one minute.

The story must go on and so shall she.

"President Grant, this is your first joint interview with Mellie since your separation and your first interview since you and Ms. Pope broke up; why are you now speaking?" the Interviewer asked

"Well, it's time." Fitz said simply "I had to deal with my private matters first before I was willing or able to talk about them publicly."

"Mrs. Grant" The interviewer turns to Mellie "why did you and the President break up?"

Mellie gives her false chuckle as she reaches for Fitz's hand "Well, Fitz and I have had a lot of hardships in our life and unfortunately it was too much for both of us to bear. But we are closer now than ever before."

"This is true." Fitz said "Mellie is a terrific mother and friend and she was an amazing wife who never left my side."

Olivia cringes slightly at the action, no matter how many times she has seen this same show it never gets easier…seeing him with her, or anyone else for that matter. The art of acting was not lost on her, she taught him how to play the game but she always wondered whether it was her that was being played.

"President Grant, you began dating your closest friend and confidant Olivia Pope…"

Her heart begins to flutter at the mention of her name. Olivia knows he won't say anything romantic or idealistic about them because there is no them- not anymore and yet there is still this small part of her that hopes that whatever he says will bring her closer to him. The validation that what she has and is feeling for him is not one-sided that he feels whatever electric current rushing through them every time they meet.

"I did." Fitz acknowledges with a slight nod of the head

"You cheated on Mrs. Grant with her- why did you cheat?"

Fitz freezes for a moment as he tries to find the right words to describe his actions.

"You know Dianne, people don't go out with the intentions of cheating or falling in love with someone else that isn't their wife but…it happened. I never meant or wanted to fall in love with Ms. Pope and trust me she didn't want to love me either but there is this moment of fatigue where your tired…" he looks away from the camera as though recalling his many struggles that came with loving a women he shouldn't love.

"I was tired of looking away, tired of ignoring my feelings; I just grew very tired of fighting something that was fruitless."

"What happened to Ms. Pope?"

"Ms. Pope is working on Mellie's campaign." Fitz answered playing innocent

"We know that, but what happened to your relationship, to be honest I thought Ms. Pope was going to be our next First Lady."

Fitz nods his head "I thought she was going to be too." Fitz responded softly

Her eyes catch sight of the lights outside, anything really to not look at him and be affected by his words or his soft eyes that show his deepest sincerity and truth.

"What happened?"

"Relationships can last a lifetime or it can last a season. Our relationship wasn't built to last but that doesn't make it a failure because I've learned from my mistakes with Mellie and Olivia that I know now that when I meet the next girl, I'll be ready and she'll be ready."

"Our relationship however tragic it may be was not a mistake, at least not on my part. Mellie and Olivia both taught me a valuable lesson that I will never be able to repay them for."

"Ms. Pope is now running your ex-wife's campaign. Isn't that weird?" Dianne asked

"No." Fitz said shaking his head in disagreement while Mellie looked on proudly "They are friends and women are more than capable of setting aside their difference for the greater good of the republic. They are incredibly strong and gifted women- it's one of the reasons why I fell in love with them.

Olivia's eyes light up as she smiles proudly at how Fitz has managed to control the interview effortlessly without losing his integrity or morals along the way. For a man like him, Fitz somehow always knows the right words to say that causes Olivia's heart to skip a beat at the familiarity that lies inside him.

Years have come and gone, but his truth has always remained. The power he yields would cause any man to lose control yet he sits composed even during times where life is most acrimonious. His conviction and integrity at times leaves her wondering if anyone else is capable or able to do the job that he has done as President.

"Fitz is a very easy man to love." Mellie countered taking the heat off Fitz.

"He most certainly is." Dianne says happily as Fitz blushes at the compliment "speaking of love do you have anyone special; Mr. President?"

"I have many people that I love but if you are speaking romantically then I have to say that I don't."

She blinks at the TV screen; she felt her stomach drop and the emotional kick to her heart. What exactly was Olivia expecting to happen, that Fitz would declare his love for her on television damning anyone that threatens to come between them. A moment passes and then Olivia remembers Emily; Fitz didn't claim Emily either and for Olivia it made all the difference in the world.

"President Grant, I find that hard to believe." Dianne said not giving up

"Who knows" Fitz gives "But what I do know is that Mellie will make a great president."

"Thank You Fitz." Mellie said softly cleared moved by Fitz.

"America is brilliant and I know they will make the right choice and vote for Mellie."

She grabs her phone without taking her eyes off the interview.

"What"

"I am guessing that you are watching the interview?"

She pops a few kettles in her mouth "I am."

"What do you think?" Abby asked

"About what?" Olivia feigned innocently

"About the interview, Fitz really looked good out there."

"Mellie did too." Olivia says not wanting Abby to try and read her and the many wave of emotions she is feeling.

"I never told you but Fitz is seeing somebody."

Olivia looks down at her hand and sighs heavily, her eyes manages to stay connected to the paused screen showing his perfectly blue eyes radiating towards her.

"I know." Olivia whispers

"How?"

"Fitz and I were outside at a fundraiser party when she introduced herself, she's pretty."

"Yeah, Emily is very nice." Abby says awkwardly not knowing how to help or read Olivia.

"Abby, I have to go Mellie's calling me."

"Right, she probably wants to know your thoughts on the interview."

"Yeah." Olivia said looking around her room and her two phones sitting quietly at the table.

With a click of the button she turns her TV off and goes to bed, hoping to erase tonight from her memory.

/

The conference room was lit, the table filled with papers and logos for the several ads they will be running on primetime, the wall was covered with Mellie, Cyrus and Vargas's face and the many slogans and artistic ways they could say vote for Mellie without being overly crude.

"Quinn let me hear your pitch." Olivia barks from her chair as she goes over several files regarding economic control and social media that needs her seal of approval.

"I don't really have anything." Quinn murmured

"Marcus."

He rises from his chair and moves to the wall holding Mellie's picture front and center. "We are virtually tied but we need more, so what makes Mellie Grant great?"

"She's stubborn" Quinn piped out causing the group to chuckle

"Yes, and that can be a good thing for a leader." Marcus added to the paper he was working on

"She's smart." Huck says

Marcus wrote it down "what else"

"She's doesn't give up" Olivia said as everyone turns to look at her.

"She's mother."

"She's loyal."

"She's a woman." Quinn said "a mean woman, but she has boobs."

"She's faithful." Olivia said softly

"Okay" Marcus said writing everything down "This is the women that the world has yet to see and we are failing her so this is our ad."

"We tried that Marcus, we made Mellie into the women of the people but that's not her."

"Mellie doesn't have to be that she is just a person- she was a wife, she is a mother, and she is loyal to her ch…"

Several secret service agents walk into OPA, scanning the premises before giving the okay.

"Falcon has landed."

Saliva began to pool in her mouth. Her heart began to beat irregularly at the mention of his security name; Fitz was here.

She blinks several times believing her eyes are playing a trick on her, but there he stands before her- just the way he always did, strong. Her heart palpates at the sight of him, wearing his signature suit that she has grown accustom too.

She looks at him from head to toe subtly disapproving of his bright red tie.

"Olivia."

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked as her gladiator look at one another, none of them willing to move and miss the show they had been denied seeing for years.

"Clearly nothing compared to you guys. Hi Quinn, Huck, and Marcus." Fitz moves to acknowledge them all.

"Fitz why are you here, you shouldn't be here especially with the election so close."

"I know but this is important to me and I need your help, but I understand if you –"

"What is it?" Olivia asked cutting Fitz off.

An agent hands Fitz's his envelope and he gently hands it to Olivia. "My plans for life outside of the White House."

Olivia opens the folder "it's empty."

"Exactly my point. I don't know what to do. I've been the President so long that I don't know who I am anymore…I'm thinking of getting on my plane and taking Emily to Paris where I can write my memoirs, she's never been out of the country."

Her insides began to tremble and she found herself struggling to breath, her heart breaking at the realization that he was still with Emily and that he was planning on taking her away.

"I didn't know it was serious." Olivia somehow managed to etch out

"It's getting there. " Fitz said honestly "I didn't say her name during the interview because well I learned from us. I'm waiting until she's ready."

Olivia felt tears pricking behind her eyes and she blinks them away rapidly, angrily at him -them.

It was never supposed to be like this, he wasn't supposed to be moving on, when she's not ready to let him go. This couldn't be true, this can't be.

She ignored half of what he was saying until he mentioned Abby.

"What about Abby?"

"Abby doesn't think it is a good idea for me to run off to Paris, she believes I have work here that I can still do and accomplish which brings me to you."

What?"

"I need for you to come up with a plan for me to stay here in Washington, I understand if you don't have the ti-"

"I'll do it" Olivia says more eagerly then she should.

"Liv, I know you are busy."

"No, I can do both…I can make this work Fitz." Olivia promises though she wonders who she is promising too.

"Don't get yourself in trouble; I'll understand if you can't. It would save me the trouble."

"No." Olivia shakes her head "I'll think of something if you want it."

"I don't know what I want." Fitz says honestly "a part of me is ready to disappear and be normal but then there is this other side that just doesn't seem finished."

She listens to him speak, silently understanding his views and questions more than she can tell him. But she doesn't tell him but softly nudges him out the door.

"New mission." Olivia says turning around removing the little piece of humanity she leaves stored with Fitz out the door.

"I want you all to put the election aside and focus on our President."

"What?"

"We need to come up with his plan for life once out of office."

"You can't be serious?" Marcus said looking at Olivia from where he stood at the front of the table.

"Try me." Olivia warns before walking out.

/

The ticking of the clock annoys her; the silence in the once welcoming room was stifling and tightening around her.

"I should get going." Olivia says wanting to leave this meeting.

"Do you have somewhere to go?"

"I'm busy working"

"That's never stopped you before."

"It doesn't matter whether it has or hasn't, this case is important and I need to go and work on it."

Her Therapist stops writing and looks at Olivia clearly "what makes it important; is it the election…"

"It's different" Olivia cuts him off, folding her arms in defiance of him attempting to get through to her.

"What makes it different?" he asked only to be answered with ticking of the clock.

His all-knowing stare sizes Olivia up, gathering from just her demeanor and attitude all what he knew to be true.

"Well Olivia, you are more than welcome to leave."

She jumps in shock of his dismal "why?"

"You don't wish to talk and I have no reason to keep you here if you don't wish to be here."

"That's my problem right now, I need for you to tell me why I should be here, why staying here with you is good for me versus being out there and getting things handled."

"Do you not feel you are handling things here, Olivia?"

"I'm trying to which is why I need for you to tell me why I should be here."

"I can't help sway you to stay if your heart is elsewhere."

She felt her heart drop into her stomach, and it was several moments before she regained the ability to speak. When she did, her voice wavered.

"You can." She whispers shaking her head

"Olivia I cannot dictate your life and the choices you make; your choices are for you to decide and you to make."

"That's not going to work for me; I will not accept that!" Olivia shouts getting up and walking out of therapy.

"Olivia sit down."

"No, I'm not going to sit here and do nothing. I need to come up with a plan and when I do it's going to work!"

/

Heels pound on the hard cold floor marching into OPA.

"Five minutes." Olivia says coldly walking into her office and slamming the door.

"Olivia, this is insane. The President is out of office in three months and instead of worrying about your candidate you're worried about what he will be doing afterwards." Marcus yells

"I do not care what you think, so did you come up with a valuable option as for what the President will do after his term is up?"

"No"

"Get out of my office." Olivia seethes

"Olivia, the President is tired, if he wants to go on a vacation I don't see the problem, he's lost a lot and hasn't gotten a chance to take a breath…."

"No" Olivia shouts "The President does not get time off, he has things he must accomplish…he cannot leave, is that understood. I won't accept that!" Olivia shouts

"He won't' be the President anymore, Liv." Huck whispers out watching Olivia turn her head to him in shock that Huck would say something.

"Olivia, President Grant was almost assassinated, his son died…"

"He divorced Mellie, you were kidnapped…"

"Then you two were together and then you broke up."

Olivia looks between the three of them "what's your point." She retorts angrily the blood rushing to her cheeks, her lip quivering with anger as she scrutinizes them.

"The point is that the President deserves to have a normal life and go away with his girlfriend…"

A look of disapproval forms on her face. The constant nagging and pain in her heart causes her chest to heave, her throat to burn with soreness, and her head throbbing with fear. The fear of him never returning is a stifling fear that leaves her mouth dry.

"No" Olivia said walking out of the office.

/

She doesn't know how she found herself here. She looks at the roses still blooming though out of season. She inhales heavily, taking in the floral scent.

"We had those shipped from Florence but don't tell anyone else that."

Olivia sighs severely, cursed with him following her wherever she goes yet not being able to say what she feels inside.

"We should go inside; it's about to storm."

"Don't you have an office and a world to run?" Olivia says snippy

"Ouch." Fitz said moving towards the bench Olivia is occupying.

"Sorry." Olivia apologizes

"What's wrong?"

"Everything." her voice cracks as she looks up at him, with pain piercing every nerve in her body

"You can talk to me." Fitz sits beside her

"No" Olivia shakes her head "I can't."

"You're pushing yourself too much; one day you are going to crash."

"I already have"

"Then I'll pick you."

He turns Olivia to face him "look at me." His voice rumbles in his chest.

"I can't" her voice cracks watching the flowers sway softly in the wind. "You and Emily…"

"What about her?" Fitz ask gently

"How did you meet?"

"I meet her at a party, she won her school's ticket for a free entry inside where I talked to several school administrators and teachers about increasing funding for public schools- she's a school teacher."

"She's perfect." Olivia says painfully as if saying those words somehow has weakened her.

He watches her with fixed stare, gauging her reaction as she stares at the flower with such sadness in her eyes.

"Yeah." He whispers bowing his head. "She's different from me and my world but…she's nice."

"Does she want to get married?" She doesn't know why she is asking these questions that hurt her yet the idea of not knowing was a far worse torture.

"She wants it all, marriage, kids…we haven't talked about that." Fitz offers

"Don't you want that too?"

He shrugs "I did." Fitz says looking away at the flowers swaying with the wind "but I just wanted it with you." Fitz says with a sad smile "kind of hard to imagine it all with someone else."

She looks at him; looking for understanding, compassion, looking for something. Their eyes met and everything else faded to the periphery. Up close she could see the circles and bruises on the surface of his face. None of those imperfections detracted from how resplendent he looks. Intense grey eyes captivated her, irrevocably drawing her steadily towards him as two magnets destined to meet.

He hears thunder roaring in the background distantly. He turns to his left and watches Olivia run towards the White House maze.

"Olivia" Fitz yells running after her but she was gone.

The air is clean of destruction and filth; with each breath she exhales a cloud escapes from her lips and enters the sky. Her hair swings wildly as she runs with freedom and joy watching the roses guide her, she doesn't know where she is going but for the first time in a long time she feels completely in control. She runs with purpose, she hears her footsteps slapping the ground, she feels her body giving out as she heaves for oxygen

Pressed against the bush she heaves for oxygen, struggling to breathe while enjoying the freedom that came with escaping from her own mind.

"What the hell are you doing, Olivia?" Fitz yells moving to stand directly in front of her, refusing to give her a chance to run again.

"Running." She says matter of factly

"Yeah I gathered that." Fitz shots back "why"

"I'm lost." Olivia said lightly as droplets of rain sprinkle down her face. She smiles softly at him.

"I found you."

Fitz's declaration made everything around Olivia slow- the rain, the wind whirling around them, even the sound of her own breathing. All she can hear, all she can feel is the beating of her heart.

She is at his mercy. She feels vulnerable because of him, like he carved her open and placed the light inside her so he could find her even when life becomes dark and she can't see, as longs as the light burns he'll know how to find her.

She kisses him without thought, throwing caution to the wind.

The first brush of her lips against his was gentle. But she wanted more, craved more of him. She strains upwards, meeting him midway, her mouth angles towards his, her tongue slipping past his lips to play with his.

They kiss slowly – almost wonderingly – but with a raw and unadulterated sense of urgency, their rain-soaked lips gliding over one another hungrily. Olivia's right hand has a firm grip on the back of Fitz's neck, her fingers tangled in those wet curls, while her left hand is between Fitz's glorious shoulder blades, gripping the thick material of his coat.

He presses her into the bushes and she moans at the sensation of his body morphing into hers.

She opens her eyes at the sound of voices drawing towards; her eyes become clear, her head less fizzy as she removes herself from Fitz with tears in her eyes.

She sees the look on his face, she made a mistake.

"I'm sorry." Olivia says before running away, this time he didn't run after her.

/

The kiss ignited her in ways that she hasn't felt before, almost as though she has been sleeping and his warm lips pressed against hers awoken her spirit.

She stumbles with doing the finale touches to her makeup as she waits for him to make his way to her office.

With her gladiators sent away, Olivia could breathe finally, she couldn't afford to have them here with her in case the conversation turns in a direction she doesn't want them to hear or in a direction that requires no viewers but themselves.

"Hi" Olivia whispers shyly

"Hi"

To this day, Olivia is still mystified as to how such a simple word could evoke such raw feelings to transpire. It wasn't the word itself but who said it that makes her heart smile every time. That one word coming from his mouth ignites her soul in ways that nobody else could.

It feels as though he's welcoming her home.

And she gladly accepts the warm welcome.

"I want…"

"One thing at a time." Fitz offers her gently causing her to chuckle nervously

She pulls the loose strand of her hair back "You wanted me to come up with an idea as to why you should stay."

"I did, did you?"

"I have a folder field with ideas but I'm not going to tell you them."

He folds his arms puzzled "why not?"

"You wanted me to give you a reason to stay; you wanted me to tell you why I think you should stay here and not run off with Emily. You knew I would get the job done and give you a way out because…" she stops talking and stares at Fitz with her brown doe eyes "you don't want to leave, you want to stay here ' _with me'_." she says silently.

Olivia struts over to Fitz standing tall, proud of herself for listening to her gut. "You leaving or staying has to be our choice, I can't make it for you."

There is a moment of contemplation as he looks at her. She has no idea just how powerful she truly is.

"I should have known that I can't put anything past you."

She smiles proudly at his complement.

"I know you." She says softly

"You do."

"Fitz…I …I'm sorry for kissing you." Olivia says sadly as her voice cracks, crippled by her sadness and his, she wonders what he must think of himself. Does he regret his actions or is the moment of lapse nothing but a fly flying in the summer day.

He turns his head to face Olivia, daring her. His eyes are fixed on her in a way that made her skin warm and stomach muscles spasm. His face, passive as always, gave nothing of his feelings. But his eyes, they blazed with some unknown need as they travelled across her face.

"I'm not."

Her eyes catch his grey eyes piercing into her soul and she is momentarily stunned by the interminable feeling resonating with her at his tender stare.

/

She downs her wine. Passing back and forth she looks to her phone and the time, waiting for the right moment to call him. When the world is asleep this would be there only time where they could be open enough to each other and their feelings.

She wonders why she's never called him.

Even though she missed him, it didn't mean she had the nerve to tell anyone, or call him with his phone number engraved in her memory.

The minute she watched him walk out of her office she regretted not telling him more; that she was willing to fall if it means she can fall in his arms. She almost told him that she was ready. But she couldn't and she didn't.

She closes her eyes in the dark room. Thinking that maybe since she's had a bit of alcohol she'll fall asleep easily; But then she dreams that she's in Vermont and he's there- no aides, secret service agents, it's just them; the way it always should be.

But then her body jolts up with a deafening laugh covering her in darkness; it's her father's laugh.

Rowan enjoys placing her in darkness to keep him company, and badly she wants to talk to Fitz that she feels her knees curl into her chest and for a second she imagines calling him and telling him the truth- that she is tired and doesn't want to end up like her father; that she wants to be happy.

She needs him now more than ever, wants him now more than ever. But is she really even allowed to _want_ that now? After everything she put him through, isn't it wrong of her to even think that? Fitz is all about trust and honesty and she's been anything but that.

There's a dull ache behind her eyes, and that sudden movement has made her unsteady on her feet. She shuffles in the dark toward the living room; she doesn't bother with the light and searches inside her bag.

She dials the numbers she knows by heart. Her hand falls to her stomach in hopes of calming her nerves.

Olivia needs to be completely honest and open with him. She hopes for the same in return, despite knowing she doesn't deserve it. Regret is a familiar feeling for Olivia, but she is aware that if she doesn't tell him how she feels she fears she never will.

She doesn't expect anything from him, just like he's never expected anything from her.

All she needs from him is to listen and know that while she might be incapable of love, what she feels for him is the closest thing to love she has ever felt.

Nerves crept up her body as she heard the phone ringing, she found herself praying that he answers her call and the other part praying that he doesn't.

"Hello?"

She's not sure if it's her eyes, wet and drowsy, that trick her, or if she's still in her own imagination, but she freezes.

There's a brief pause while she swallows.

"Hello?"

She can't speak. Her voice fails her.

Emily answered his phone.


	4. Here Comes the Sun

**I'm back, and I must say that I do read the comments and it is quite astonishing to see such vastly different reviews. I have some readers that feel Olivia has suffered and is in need of happiness and then I have some readers who feel she's manipulative and doesn't deserve Fitz.**

 **As President Obama said- progress doesn't always come in a straight line.**

 **X**

This was the day. Every sweat, tear and pain imaginable has brought her to this defining moment where all her suffering would be over. The many losses in her life will be worth this one win. You never play to lose the games but win them and Olivia has never been more certain that she will finally come out on top.

For months, she had dedicated her life to this election; she breathed, ate, and slept for this election. This wasn't Mellie's presidency it was hers all along – she has even killed for this position. Olivia has lost too much to lose again and this time she won't.

She will win.

She will claim her life back and take the power that was robbed from her. This will be her world and everyone will only live in it, if she so chooses.

"Olivia, when is the last time you went to sleep?" Quinn asked looking the dark circles under her eyes.

"I'm fine, Quinn" Olivia hushes out as she walks around the conference room.

"We are now leading, this is huge. We can't stop. We are too close."

The energy was electrifying yet frightening but she couldn't control the uplifting feeling spreading over, many have volunteered whether calling the phone lines or getting out and walking door to door- the people where with her and more importantly so is he.

She has sent weekly briefings to Abby, list of chores that she needed the White House to do- what she needed him to finish. Every request, even the most mundane ones where completed without a whimper or protest.

The time has never been more right then now, and Olivia has never been more ready to come out on top and be declared the winner.

She hasn't thought about therapy or even Fitz for that matter. That moment of pity and self-despair when she called the man she swore she had let go was a learning experience.

Olivia told herself repeatedly that she was over him yet her heart longed for the man she walked away from time and time again, but as fate had chosen they were never meant to be. With Emily answering his phone, it has rested her dreaming mind about the possibility of them becoming more once again.

Her time was up.

Sadly, and graciously Olivia has opted out on her fight for hope and love.

/

"Marcus." Olivia pointed to her chair across from her desk, silently enforcing that he is too sit for this meeting.

He senses the look on Olivia's face. Granted, Olivia has never truly embraced him on her team, but there is this a coolness to her that leaves even him puzzled on the nature of the subject.

"What are we talking about?"

Olivia looks at him, seeing so much of her former self in him. His chest is out, his head is held high, the world belongs to him- he doesn't fear the future, field with endless downs and ups, he accepts them.

"I want to talk about the fact that you are screwing the Republican candidate for the United States of America." Olivia finds herself wincing at her own coldness, she should have approached the subject using a different tactic.

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

She eyes him, surprised that he has blatantly lied to her.

"Don't lie to me." Olivia warns "I am the last person you lie to" Olivia raises her voice.

"You are hypocrite." Marcus says nonchalantly

"Excuse me" Olivia asked moving towards the edge of her desk

"You are a hypocrite." Marcus repeats himself "You tell us and your clients not to lie yet that is all that you do."

"You don't know the first thing about me"

"I thought I did at one time but you've changed…you're colder."

She crosses her arms, staring squarely at his examination- never once interrupting him.

"You don't eat. You don't sleep. You don't exist, all that you are is a body with words and a face. I would hear Quinn and Huck talk about you and Jake…how you were spying on him."

A nauseating feeling wipes over her at the mention of Jake. The repulsion that comes with her actions and her lack of thinking when in the moment.

"Or the fact that you were not saving him when you could."

"It is not my job to save him" Olivia says coldly for the first time interrupting him "Everyone looks to me to fulfill their every need…I can't be everyone's everything!" Olivia yells

"I am so tired of everyone placing me at fault for their own inadequacies. It is not my job!" Olivia looks to Marcus ready to strike him at any possible moment with her words as sharp as knives, as her weapon of choice.

Olivia fixes her blouse.

"We've gotten off track. My point is that you cannot screw Mellie Grant."

"Why not?"

Olivia smiles softly at the question, flabbergasted why he would feel doing such things would constitute as being 'appropriate'.

"For starters, she is running for President, the last thing she needs is a sex scandal coming out about our inner-relatedness."

"What do you mean?"

"We are connected Marcus; you work for me and if this gets out the world will be wondering if Olivia Pope and Associates is an undercover prostitution ring for the powerful and wealthy."

"With all due respect Olivia, this has nothing to do with you."

She shakes her head "you don't get it."

"No, I don't. Mellie and I are not children; we don't have to run things by you."

"This wouldn't be living. You will be scrutinized and mocked, people who have no idea who you are will stand there and judge you because of the person you love. Your life, will not belong to you anymore."

"Olivia, Mellie and I know what we are doing."

"No" Olivia shakes her head sadly "you don't. You think this will last…it doesn't."

"Mellie will not choose you over the presidency. She has worked too hard to lose it all for nothing and if it did work and she does become president; do you honestly think the Republican party will stand there and congratulate her on dating a black man who was screwing the mayor's wife?"

The silence is defining. Marcus, can't protest or defend him and Mellie. Olivia is right.

Olivia knows she's hurt Marcus, she can tell by his disposition, she won the argument though no one truly comes out winning.

"Marcus…this will save you in the long run. Trust me."

He lifts his head to look at Olivia. "This isn't about Mellie and I…it's about you."

"Excuse me."

"You 'warning' me isn't for me but yourself."

"Marcus, I've been there…I'm still there."

"With all due respect Olivia, my relationship with Mellie isn't like yours and the President."

She blinks back the tears, the sudden blow to her gut left her momentarily speechless. She hurt him and now he's retaliated.

"You're right" Olivia acknowledges "Unlike the president choosing me, Mellie will never choose you."

"I remind you of yourself, when you first met him."

Olivia sighs heavily closing her arms to form some separation between them and their paralleling universe.

"My life is forever intertwined with his…I loved him; it's why I stayed there and waited for him…but…while her life will go on, yours won't." Olivia looks at Marcus hoping that he listens to what she says "You will look for her, watch her, even when you are mad and angry you will always watch her and before you know it, eight years will have gone by and you still don't have her…and you never will."

Olivia gets up, quickly putting on her coat. The conversation was over and she no longer wished to discuss it anymore; Marcus is grown and if he chooses the route that is the most heartbreaking then at least she tried to warn him of the inevitable heartbreak that will be awaiting him.

"Do you regret your decision?" Marcus asked watching Olivia walk out the door

She pauses. "I regret many decisions."

/

Tonight, is the night. Much has been said and shown but all that matters are the polls. Tonight, is the night where a winner will be named.

The live coverage of the Republican headquarters shows the party is in full swing, but away from the masses sits a close knit group filled with the most trusted team and advisors. The air is stifling yet there is a sense of nervous ease about tonight.

Jake and his wife were in a corner talking to some major donors, while her and the gladiators sat on a chair, their eyes glued to the television. The polls show them leading but the night has only just started.

"Hi Olivia."

Olivia looks up from the restroom mirror and her smile drops at Emily's approaching frame coming towards the sink.

"Hi, Emily."

The awkwardness of the moment is not lost on them.

"You must be excited for tonight to be over." Emily said, making small talk.

Olivia nods her head in agreement "I am."

"What will you do, once it's over."

"What I've always done." Olivia says politely and shortly

Emily smiles softly "Fitz, is looking forward to this being over too. He's ready to let Mellie take over."

Olivia looks at Emily through the mirror and catches her already staring at her. She baited Olivia and got her right where she wants her.

"Well, that's good to hear." Olivia said shortly walking towards the door.

"I know that you called his cell phone." Emily said watching Olivia make her exit from the restroom.

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked moving back into frame so that she could look at Emily

"A few weeks ago, you called his cell phone…I didn't know he had a cell phone until I heard it ring inside his nightstand."

Olivia stares directly at Emily, waiting for her to finish her story.

"What makes you think it was me."

Emily turns off the water so that Olivia could hear her clearly "because when I mentioned it, he downplayed the significance and went to bed…but later that night I heard him get up and walk into the bathroom with the phone in hand…he was calling you."

Tears mounted unbidden to her eyes and she shut them for a moment, focusing on her breathing and recovering from the emotional punch. Fitz hadn't given up on her…he called her but by that time she had already turned her phone off.

She was too late.

"What are you telling me, Emily?" Olivia asked confused as to why Emily would tell her this and why now.

Emily grabs a paper towel, slowly drying her hands. "I'm telling you that he still has feelings for you and it's obvious you still have feelings for him."

Emily looks at Olivia's reddened eyes "but I love him too and I'm not letting him go without a fight."

" Why tell me this?" Olivia asked perplexed that her enemy would tell her something that could possibly be the end of her own relationship with Fitz.

"Because you look like a nice person and I like to think of myself as one too."

"You don't owe me anything, Emily."

Emily chuckles softly "I'm not giving him up, but I just want you to know that I'm ready to fight for him."

/

She downs her glass of wine after the talk with Emily. So much has been left unsaid, he did call her after all. Their relationship has been a series of misfortunate events, and bad timing.

She eyes them from the corner of her eye, in a room filled with close confidants this was there first time coming out as a couple and not fearing the media or backlash. Fitz was slowly making Emily known to those who matter to him.

Emily wasn't letting him go and clearly wasn't pushing her away.

She grabs the file quickly from Marcus, she absorbs her daily briefing, stats were coming in left and right and for the time being she had forgotten about Fitz and Emily and their forever interconnectedness.

She drops the paper in disbelief. Tears fall freely from her eyes as she watches Vargas being declared winner of states they swore they had.

This is too much. She over estimated her abilities, she knows they've lost and worse of all she never even knew they were losing.

Had she known, she would have come up with a plan. A solution to change the narrative, a hook to bring millennial voters out to vote but it was too late.

She is too late, again.

She steps out into the dimly lit hallway. The air was suffocating her, all eyes were glued to the screen, watching and waiting for the winner to be announced; they had hope she knew they didn't.

Her back falls on the wall with fatigue. For the first time since walking inside the hotel she had a moment to herself.

"You okay?"

She looks up at him but she doesn't say a word. He shouldn't be here with her. Quickly her thoughts drift to Emily walking out to see them together, she wonders too herself if she is aware of Fitz's absence.

"No" she keeps her head down, to remain strong. She's not okay. Nothing in her life is okay or even remotely alright.

"What's wrong?"

She sighs heavily "we are going to lose. I am going to lose. The polls were off, we were wrong. Mellie isn't going to be President."

"How do you know this?"

"Polls have been coming in and states we thought we had are clearly going to Cyrus…it's over…I lose."

He walks over to Olivia; he sees the defeat on her face. Olivia has given up.

"I'm sorry for stealing the election…"

Fitz chuckles softly "That's okay, I know your heart was in the right place."

"How can I help you, Olivia?" Fitz asked staring at Olivia

Her eyes water as she begins to open her lips, making her request.

"One minute."

Without a word, he moves closer towards her waiting for her to fill the space between them.

Openly and willingly she walks in his arms. Her head that has been heavy falls on his shoulder, the sudden weight being removed from her body causes her chest to contract.

She cries softly in crook of his neck. her arms wrap tightly around his shoulders-clinging to him. Tears burned the back of her throat and she pressed her lips together to try and halt them.

Without cameras, without the world watching them. Olivia could let herself go, she wasn't the campaign manager, she hasn't just lost the election. For one minute, she had her life together and all the bad things that have happened to her all were untrue.

She removes herself from his warm arms though she would love more than anything to stay there and never leave. But her minute was up and she knew she had to go.

Mostly everyone left. Nobody could celebrate a loss they all knew they would win. So many questions fill her troubling mind and she still can't form a logical answer as to how they lost.

She was over everything, her sacrifices, her tears, her suffering all went for nothing. The winner was not her once again. With the many losses, she has claimed over the years this loss seems to hurt more than the others.

Olivia tried. And even with her trying she still managed to lose. She found herself in the corner of the room away from everyone and anything. She observes their somber mood, one by one they make their leave, they give pity hugs and handshakes to Mellie as though the loss was hers.

Olivia grabs the glass of wine, downing it in seconds before reaching for another one. If she was going to lose and feel the judgmental stares of everyone she knows then at least she could feel good while drowning in their despair and her own.

Nobody comes to check on her. She supposes it stings at first that nobody cares about her own well-being but within seconds she appreciates the solitude. Olivia didn't need anyone to pacify her, the loss was real yet it almost feels like a dream, a horrible dream that eventually she will wake up from.

She cried for a minute but she can't find herself believing the end was here.

"Why don't you have some juice instead?"

She looks up from her glass and catches his concerned blue eyes staring at her.

"I'm fine"

"But you're not."

Olivia lifts her head with tears threatening to fall at any given minute. "Please stop." Olivia pleads "I'm falling Fitz and you have to let me."

Fitz takes one final look at her, deciding whether to stick around or simply do what Olivia wishes.

"Okay." Fitz says walking away giving Olivia her space.

Her eyes follow him sit next to Emily, how her head falls on his shoulder in the same manner that hers did.

Olivia swallows the large amount of salivia lodged in her throat; hoping to stop herself from vomiting at the sight of them together. She turns around to the bar, knowing she would need a stronger drink than wine to relieve the aching pain continuously stabbing at her fragmented heart.

"Rowan's going to love this."

"Go away, Jake."

He moves closer to her, taking in her appearance. Olivia is finally showing the look of defeat and fatigue.

"You ran a hell of an election, Olivia. Nobody did this but you. I'm proud of you."

She sighs knowing exactly the game Jake was trying to play and she can admit she's more tempted now than ever before to forget and simply become numb to world and anything.

"What do you want?" Olivia asked

"You know who I want." Jake whispers "This is our chance, Olivia. We can be together."

"No"

He freezes at the coldness and her definitive answer.

He watches her watch him. "You still think he wants you…after everything you've done."

Her head snaps staring squarely at Jake, she got the clear undertone of the statement. Jake knows more than what he has told her.

"Fitz and I are over. We have been over."

Jake shakes his head at how a promising conversation could end on such a horrible note.

"No matter what I do; I'll never be enough."

She doesn't say a word, what could she say.

"I've always envied your relationship with him; no matter what he does it's always better and grander than what I could ever do…he's always first…I've accepted that but have you accepted that you will never be first to him?"

Her eyes harden as she narrows her gaze at Jake.

"You'll never win." Olivia says coldly throwing daggers directly towards Jake's heart "You will always be second place to him." Olivia seethes with contained rage. "You are a poor man's Fitzgerald Grant, if I can't have him what makes you think I would want you because the only thing you do is remind me of my failures, that instead of having the man of my dreams, I am instead settling for the man of my nightmares."

Jake blinks at Olivia with an unease as how to respond to her vicious attack.

"Regardless of what you think you feel for me, I know at the end of the day you will be calling me to come over…so talk boldly Olivia, I'll see you tonight.

/

"How are you doing?" Fitz asked Mellie walking over to console her .

Mellie takes a long sip of her moonshine "I've been better." Mellie says dejectedly falling to the chair.

"I know this is hard for you. I'm sorry Mellie, if I could change this I would."

Mellie sighs heavily looking around her defeated and deflated group of advisors and friends. "I'm devastated by this Fitz…but…"

Fitz turns to look at Mellie "But what?" he asks

"I'm worried about Olivia." Mellie whispers making sure that the conversation stays between the two of them. "This election, Fitz…this was her everything…and I'm worried what's going to happen to her once she accepts that we lost."

Fitz sighs heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. He wants to help Olivia desperately, but so much has happened, how can he reach someone who is falling faster than he can catch.

"What would you have me do, Mellie?" Fitz asked "I've tried helping her and she's turned me down…Olivia doesn't like being saved."

"Olivia doesn't realize that she needs saving." Mellie retorts

He folds his arms and stares at Mellie, clearly pained by what is happening and what will continue to unfold.

"I'm doing the best that I can, Mellie" Fitz whispers watching Mellie walk away

"Well you need to do better, otherwise someone else will come in and take your place." Mellie says referencing to Olivia and Jake talking in the corner.

/

Everyone has left, except for those that matter- Mellie, the gladiators, Abby, Fitz, Jake and Emily.

From all areas of the room, Olivia was the talk and watch of the hour. The dejected looks on their face watching her fall from grace. Where was their fearless savior who captivated a room with her grace and power. Now she sits repudiated and some even feel if being completely honest irretrievably broken.

Huck takes the first step; walking over to Olivia he grabs the glass from her hand.

"Huck…" Olivia manages to get out as Huck begins to walk her to the door

"I'm taking you home." he whispers out, unable to stand and watch Olivia fall apart and not help her.

"No" Olivia yells pulling her arm from his.

"Olivia" Huck pleads, not sure if he can bear to watch more of Olivia fall from grace.

"I'm not done."

Olivia turns around and sees everyone circling her, as though she needed help when all of them have come to her at one time in need.

"I have her." Jake says walking towards Olivia "I'll take her home…I'll make sure she's okay."

"Jake what about Vanessa?" Quinn asked

"I'll tell her something came up."

An awkward silence surrounds the group.

"I'm not going home with you, Jake." Olivia hisses as she begins to turn around and look at everyone "or anyone else…I'm an adult and I can do whatever I want and right now I wish to drink." Olivia says pushing her way out of the circle surrounding her.

"I'm taking Olivia, home." Fitz says grabbing Olivia's arm before she could stammer back to the bar.

Fitz eyes circle around the group, silently threatening anyone to go against his wishes. His eyes land on Jake waiting for him to object but he doesn't.

"And who's going to take me home?" Emily asked being the only one to challenge Fitz.

His face drops the second he hears Emily's voice, for a second he forgot Emily was there.

"Emily…" his voice trails off as Olivia roughly removes her arm from Fitz's grip.

"Emily, I'm sorry…I'll have secret service take you home but …" he looks at Olivia stumble on the chair "I have to help her…I'm the only one that can."

Emily looks at Olivia as everyone made their exits.

"It doesn't look like she wants your help."

Fitz nods in agreeance knowing Olivia will fight him and challenge him every step to her apartment.

"I know, but considering the countless times she's saved me…I owe her this much."

A moment passes them by, Olivia eyes Fitz walking towards her from the side of her eye but she pays him no mind, slowly tending to her drink she begins to forget her troubles and her fears and dissolve in the glowing amber liquid.

"Let's go."

Olivia eyes Fitz, shocked by his tone and nerve to tell her what to do, she swore he would have learned by now that she doesn't listen to anyone including herself.

"I'm not done."

"That's enough."

"I'll say when I had enough and right now; I'm just getting started."

Fitz bites his tongue in hopes of remaining cool and understanding of Olivia's feelings but her behavior at this moment has even caused him to become tense.

He grabs the glass from her hand and lifts her from the chair.

"Fitz..."

"If I must carry you out of this room, then I'll do it but we are leaving." Fitz's tone drops as he begins walking Olivia with secret agents surrounding them to his car.

Olivia sulks all the way to the car, angry at Fitz thinking he was somehow her dad and ruler. The purpose of leaving Fitz was to redefine herself outside of them yet being here with him at this very moment, Olivia can see clearly that she has never truly left him.

Olivia doesn't say anything the entire ride to her apartment, her body is moved away from Fitz and he can see the distance growing between. He chides himself for yelling at Olivia the way he did but sometimes it feels as though raising his voice is the only way for him to reach her at times.

"I can manage." Olivia says coldly as they pull up to her apartment, wanting desperately for Fitz to remain in the car and go home to Emily.

Fitz doesn't respond simply getting out of the car and walking behind Olivia all the way to her room.

Though drunk, Olivia fiddles with her keys hoping Fitz would get tired of her and leave without entering her sacred place that is removed off all traces of him and what they use to be.

Dropping the keys to the floor on accident, Fitz grabs them and opens the door. Olivia walks through the darkness with ease though heavily drunk; walking in darkness has become a comfort to her, she's not able to see her reflection or look back to the person she once was and could have been. The anonymity of the dark allows her to succumb to the darkness that has always been inside her.

Light frightened her, the brightness was too overwhelming for her senses. Light eventually turned to darkness and darkness is mostly certainly what she prefers now days.

She cringes at the lights coming on, turning to Fitz annoyed about him bringing light into her dystopia.

"Wow." Fitz says taken aback by the dark decor, he supposes he knew Olivia would eventually change her apartment like anyone would but he never expected such vast change.

Olivia ignores Fitz's shock and makes her way to her the bottle, quickly pouring a glass to calm her.

"You've changed." Fitz says simply, finally able to put everything together. He would tell himself every day that Olivia had a choose on whether to have and keep the baby, and it is a decision he agrees with but there are times when he would wonder if she did regret her decision, did she ever think back to that day.

Fitz sees now, that the decision has drastically changed Olivia.

"Of course I've changed." Olivia hisses angry that he would think she would be fine after everything that has happened.

"When did you do this?" Fitz asked needing more clarification.

"When I left the White house." Olivia snaps.

Fitz nods, slowly absorbing the information.

Olivia turns to her left and see's Fitz in deep concentration by the door. "You can leave" Olivia says removing Fitz from his reverie "I am here and safe, so goodnight Fitz."

He looks around the room for a second before walking to the door and locking it shut.

Olivia jumps from the couch "what the hell do you think you are doing?" Olivia asked watching Fitz take off his coat.

"I'm going to spend the night here with you."

Olivia shakes her head angrily at the thought of being anyone's including Fitz's charity case.

"I don't want you here."

"That's too bad because I'm not leaving." Fitz says throwing his coat on the couch.

"You cannot stay here; shouldn't you be with Emily?"

"I'm sorry about her answering my phone."

Olivia freezes for a moment, never expecting Fitz to bring up her moment of weakness and need.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Don't play dumb; you called my cellphone- the cellphone purposely created for you!" Fitz fights back, becoming more frustrated with Olivia's stubbornness

"I called it by accident and your girlfriend answered it; let it go."

"You didn't call my cellphone on accident…how can you be mad at me when you left me!" Fitz shouts back

Olivia folds her arms in hopes of blocking Fitz of reaching her though she knew the effort would be fruitless.

"Well you moved on."

Fitz walks up to Olivia staring at her incredulously "and so have you with Jake; you don't think I knew the minute we broke up; you went running back to his arms."

Her lip begins to quiver; he's exposed her flaws and failures.

"It wasn't like that."

"How was it?"

Fitz asked feeling his own anger coming to the forefront "I moved on because how many times can I force someone to love me."

She shakes her head, promising herself not to cry in front of him- she looks at him and she knows he doesn't get it.

He doesn't get just how much she loves him and misses him in every way.

The reach an impasse with neither willing to move or bend more than necessary. The conversation was taking a turn in a direction Fitz did not want to go down so soon.

"Leave" Olivia yells opening the door waiting for Fitz to walk out.

"I'm not going anywhere." Fitz says calmly moving to sit on the couch

Olivia stares perplexed by the transaction, slamming the door shut. She downs her glass, feeling the alcohol burn as it soothingly runs down her throat. Her tongue was becoming untamed, so much anger and resent swiftly festering with every second she looks at him.

"Emily, is your girlfriend so I have no idea why you are here with me?"

"Because you don't need to be home alone tonight."

"Who do you think you are?" Olivia asked

"Excuse me?"

"You do not get to tell me what is right and wrong for me, as if you know me."

"Well I thought I did." Fitz hisses "I thought I knew you, I thought we were a family but I look at you and I don't even know who you are anymore."

Olivia runs over to the couch with adrenaline pumping through her veins she feels her heart beating at an astounding rate with every word and look moving between them.

"You want to know what happened to me?" Olivia asked mockingly "I'll tell you what happened to me- my father killed the man I loved son only because he fell in love with me!" Olivia shouts "then my father ran a top-secret government agency and mother is a killer - oh and I was kidnapped but let's just forget that anything happened"

"You think you are the only one who has suffered?" Fitz asked getting up from the couch "I've suffered too but I don't let my demons keep me down."

"Of course you don't because the world needs you; who needs me?" Olivia asked "my gladiators are moving on without me! Everyone is leaving and I am still here" Olivia shouts.

"You don't have to be this person, Olivia." Fitz says calmly hoping and praying that he is reaching Olivia "we can still be who we want to be."

"I can't Fitz…but you can."

"Nothing is irreversibly, Olivia…" he shakes his head disappointed at her giving up so easily. If one thing he could say about Olivia is that she doesn't give up, Olivia Pope never quits.

"What happened to the Olivia I met and fell in love with?" Fitz asked softly

"She's dead."

Olivia wipes the tears rolling down her cheek. "and she's not coming back- not again." Her voice cracks, her hand covers her mouth to silence her cry.

His large arms hold her tightly as she sobs at the life she had and the life that will never be. Fitz doesn't speak, he doesn't move, the heaviness of his arms around her reminds her that she's not dreaming.

She pushes him away; he can't be here. Fitz being here right now will not accomplish anything, how would she feel having him around again only to wake up and he would be gone once the sun came. She can't do that- she won't do that.

"Stop fighting me" Fitz begs her

But she pushes him with as much strength as she can muster but he's strong- sturdy.

"I'm falling Fitz." Olivia whispers in his ear as she feels the effect of the alcohol slowly taking over her and her own fatigue.

"I'll catch you."

"No" she whispers shaking her head "you can't…you can't save me…you have to let me fall."

Fitz inhales her scent, with tears of his own falling silently from his eyes- "I don't think I can." he whispers pained at the idea of losing Olivia though he has only found fragments of her shattered soul.

She gently removes herself from his warm arms. "It would be best for both of us if you left." she begins staggering to her bottle of scotch.

"Let me have it." Olivia stutters reaching for the bottle though Fitz already had it.

"No"

"What did I say?" Olivia asked "let me fall because I'm already going down."

"Olivia this isn't the end of world."

She laughs sarcastically "for me it is!" Olivia shouts

"This election was my win- this election was going to erase all of my hardships and setbacks - this was going to be what settled my loses and now …" she throws her hands in their air in reference to her vacant life "I am back to where I started."

"Your right" Fitz says looking down at Olivia's brown doe eyes filled with such pain and suffering

"I can't stop you or change you." Fitz says handing her the bottle.

She glares at Fitz with anger and contempt that he has the nerve to shame her. She stumbles to her room without the bottle in hand, wanting more than anything to prove him

wrong.

/

Her legs slowly rubbed against the crisp cotton sheets as she stirred in the morning air. It was early; too early. It didn't take very long at all to notice the massive pounding in her head. She opened her eyes and then squeezed them shut just as quickly. The light was entirely too bright, and it only added to the nausea she had been feeling.

She can barely open her eyes in the morning brightness that manages to creep through the curtains, but her tongue is dry and her mouth tastes disgusting and her throat feels like it could stick to itself.

Memories from the night before were accessible, but blurry. But, now, they all started flashing through her mind. She could remember the election, Emily talking to her in the bathroom, but more than that she remembered him; him trying desperately to stop her from hurting herself, how he would tentatively look at her while driving her back to her apartment.

The fight flashes before her eyes. Her hands cover her face; she feels ashamed for how she treated him. Shame washes over her how she could fight with the one person she never wishes to hurt. Nobody understands how much it hurts to love someone you were never good enough to have. Their fight though atrocious made her feel something, as though she had returned home from a long vacation.

She looks at her alarm clock and notices the glass of water and pills set neatly on her bedside table. If she wasn't feeling worse enough, this gentle act of kindness most certainly penetrated her heart in ways that only he could.

She stumbles into the hallway, her feet slapping the cold floor, she's miserable beyond compare.

The pang in her chest intensifies at the sight of him sleeping in her couch.

He's here.

Despite what she said and did, the message she was trying to give to him came through and even with his own hurt feelings he was still there.

The sound of her heart breaking and healing was ringing loudly in her ears.

Somehow despite her stillness, he can feel her eyes on him. He sits up from the couch and Smiles softly at her in a way that left her head spinning.

Though she has already fallen she can still fall in love with him.

"Hi" he mumbles sitting up

She can't speak, her voice is mute but she stares at him in awe. Gratitude fills her heart and soul as she stares at him in amazement

Still to this day he just doesn't know how his existence has vastly changed her life.

"You're here"

He gets up slowly stretching in the process "I never left."

Tears are threatening to fall as she looks up into his eyes, his vision mirroring hers.

"you told me that you were falling and that I was to let you."

He pauses as he recalls last night though painful he felt closer to her somehow as though he was looking at all of perfections and flaws and still seeing the beauty in her existence.

"But…I just wanted to make sure that when you did fall you had a softer place to land."

Olivia closes her eyes, slowly breathing in and out; never realizing that she was crying.

"Hi" His hand lays gently on her cheek, and he tilts her head up so they're meeting eyes again. Somehow, she's surprised that he doesn't flinch or back away, but he doesn't, even though she's touching him on the spot where she broke him.

Fitz is standing right in front of her and suddenly it was hard to breathe again and a million different emotions flooded her body, overwhelming her senses. Everything from confusion to frustration to embarrassment to want and desire crashed over her in a great wave.

Suddenly, the wave of emotions washing over her shut off like a switch. She became aware of just how close her body was to his, how she could feel his heat warming over her

She wants to kiss him, she wants to crawl in his arms and slowly dissolve within him, but she can't- not yet.

"I love you." Olivia says softly though firmly. " I look at you and I know you are the closes thing to home that I have ever felt, I wish….I wish I was ready to give you what you deserve. You should be with Emily" Instead of thinking of the gravity of her statement she listened to the soft hum gently buzzing in her ear.

He pulls back, breaking his gaze into Olivia's eyes, seemingly looking for something though Olivia doesn't have the slightest idea what. Her heart flutters at his inquisitive stare wondering what he must think of her, but then what she sees is a small smile etched across his face.

He's happy.

Warmth spreads over her, more than joyed to see him smile.

He walks over to the couch, and Olivia quickly follows suit, sitting down next to him. With ease they fall into their old custom, Fitz wrapping his arms around Olivia, while Olivia's head falls on his shoulder.

They fall quiet, listening to each other's breathing, silence and peace surrounds them in the face of the rollercoaster of a ride they'd just been on.

Instead of focusing on what the future may bring, Olivia lets herself relax, feeling all her troubles and her fears dissolve in his arms.

Somehow she manages to move closer to him, her legs thrown over his lap while the sound of his heart beating in her ear lulls her to sleep with his hands gently brushing her hair.

Closely her eyes, with his arms wrapped around her she feels warm, safe as though no one can touch her. Instead of her dreaming of nightmares, her dreams are sweet and tomorrow the sun will rise and bring her truth.

For the first time in over a year, Olivia felt a welcoming sensation. A tangible feeling that she swore she lost long ago.

Hope.


	5. Love on the Brain

**Just wanted to let you all know that this story will be coming to an end soon**.

 **Must be love on the brain**  
 **That's got me feeling this way (feeling this way)**  
 **It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good**  
 **And I can't get enough**  
 **Must be love on the brain yeah**  
 **And it keeps cursing my name (cursing my name)**  
 **No matter what I do, I'm no good without you**  
 **And I can't get enough**  
 **Must be love on the brain**

 **Love on the Brain- Rihanna**

 **X**

The office was quiet, besides the receptionist sitting in the lobby no one was there. The more she thinks about it, she can't recall ever seeing anyone else besides her at the office. He opens the door and without a word he allows her entrance into his private domain.

"I'm sorry." Olivia says right away.

"What are you sorry for, Olivia?"

"My actions." Olivia says simply as though the answer didn't require an explanation. She knows she has behaved badly and more than anything she is ready to deal with the repercussions of her actions.

"I ended our session early and I was rude and short and I'm sorry. My actions are inexcusable and I am willing to suffer the consequences. I am dealing with the consequences."

"What do you mean, when saying you are dealing with the consequences; it seems as though you are expecting a punishment, why?"

Olivia shrugs caught off guard. "I don't know; I haven't been the best version of myself."

He stares at her. "Did you find what you were looking for, Olivia?"

She doesn't answer, not quickly. "it wasn't what I wanted but yes."

Olivia begins to tell her therapist about everything that happened from losing the election yet somehow managing to come out on top with Fitz beside her.

"I don't want you to think, Fitz is my clutch because he's not. But at my lowest moment, he was there for me."

He nods his head understandably "What did it feel like to have him beside you at your time of need?"

Olivia smiles nervously at first "it felt…it felt like…it was warm. Like I was returning home after a long business trip. He was there to greet me."

"Is that what he means to you?"

"What?" Olivia asked

"Home." He says simply "Is Fitz home to you?"

Her eyes begin to burn and she promises herself not to cry. "I don't have a home, and I've accepted that. I made a choice and it was the right one for me at the time but it doesn't mean I don't have regrets or resentment because I do." Olivia pauses "I am accepting my fate."

"What about your parents?"

"What about them?" Olivia asked coldly. She has purposely avoided the parent subject for a reason.

"You have never mentioned them before." Her therapist states.

"My mother abandoned me when I was twelve and my father…My father has made it his mission to make me into his image and foolishly and desperately I have fallen into his plan."

"What does he plan for you?"

"He wants me to be everything he wasn't and more. My life isn't mine own but his."

"You've come so far in your life, why settle for a life that isn't yours? You don't have to worry about failing under his control because he will never let you, but the beauty Olivia about living is that you get to live."

/

The knock on the door makes her nearly jog to the door in glee at being able to have a glass of wine with her friend.

If anyone would have told her that she would become friends with Mellie Grant she would have easily laughed in their face at such a grossly false statement, yet here she is now, running to the door to great her only friend.

Abby can't be called her best friend, barely even her friend now days. With running the White House and seeing Olivia as a visible threat to her state of power, their friendship at times has been strained more so now than ever before.

"I hope you brought your moonshine because you ar-" Olivia freezes at the sight of Mellie Grant holding a sleeping Teddy in her arms.

Automatically Olivia's eyes fall on Teddy resting so comfortably in Mellie's arms. The level of trust he has in her leaves Olivia at awe that he doesn't fear being dropped or not knowing where he is going. He trust Mellie with his life that he has allowed himself to rest easily knowing that she wouldn't let him fall.

"I'm sorry Olivia. Fitz said Teddy was asking for me and of course Emily wanted to go somewhere for the week alone..."

Her stomach drops at Fitz going away with Emily for the weekend. After the night they shared; Olivia purposely avoided Fitz in hopes of gaining some perspective but to her surprise and her pain, Fitz never attempted to call her though she made she had her phone was near her at all times.

She curses herself silently for telling him to stay with Emily. Olivia never thought he would actually listen to her. Her every being was telling her that by pushing him away, it would somehow pull him closer to her.

But she was wrong once again.

Mellie steps into the room leaving a flabbergasted Olivia at the door. Olivia looks at Teddy and forces a smile, trying not to show just how uncomfortable she was with his presence in her house that has never had a child in it.

"We were supposed to have a girl's night." Olivia said sitting in a chair across from a sleeping Teddy spread out on the couch with Mellie.

"We still can." Mellie says excitedly ignoring Olivia's cautious face.

"You have Teddy. It's weird."

Mellie scoffs "He's asleep and that happens." Mellie pauses "Being a mom is hard. And I haven't been a good one but I'm trying and that's the thing about motherhood."

Olivia tries to keep breathing, to keep smiling through this beautiful torture but every word Mellie voices causes her heart to contract painfully.

"Nobody's perfect but your kids…they love you regardless of what the world may think of you. It's unconditional love. A love that puts everything into perspective you know?" Mellie says looking at Olivia "I can be a mom and still rule the world; it just requires help that's all."

Her tongue touches the roof of her mouth, feeling suddenly parched. She picks up her glass with the idea of taking a few sips yet with every word etched from Mellie's mouth causes her to drink more and more until she finishes the glass within seconds.

"Hmm" Olivia mumbles taking in what Mellie was saying before jumping up and running into the kitchen to retrieve a fresh bottle and to end the conversation all together.

Alone, Olivia is able to breathe and conjure up the strength to muster through tonight. She sighs heavily, disappointed how a promising night could end on such a sour note.

Olivia walks back into the room but no one is there. Looking down at the couch she sees Teddy still sleeping. Moving to sit on the chair she notices her once open door is now closed. Faintly she can hear Mellie on the phone. Nervously she looks at Teddy, praying that he stays asleep until his mom comes back.

"Hi Liv."

She jumps, startled by the voice from behind her. Her hand falls on her stomach as she attempts to soothe the butterflies flying inside her abdomen.

"Hi Teddy." Olivia whispers never expecting to see Teddy wake up rubbing his eyes in an attempt at waking up.

"What are you doing?" Liv asked softly

"You don't come by anymore." Teddy stated simply.

Olivia walks over to Teddy, crouching on the floor so she could be eye level with him; she inhales sharply at how much he resembles his father.

"I'm sorry." Olivia apologizes never once realizing that her absence would have been felt by Teddy of all people. "I've been very busy and I forgot the people I left behind."

Teddy nods his head understandably like any five year old would. "Do you wanna play?" Teddy asked satisfied with Olivia's answer.

Her mouth opens to reject his offer but then she sees the hopeful look in his eyes at the idea of playing and she can't find it in herself to say no to him. "what are we going to play?"

He hides and she finds him. It's an easy game but it's a game that brings a sense of nostalgia at how simple and enjoyable life can be. She counts in the corner to ten and swiftly running behind her she can hear his sweet giggles echoing throughout the room. Enchanted by Teddy's soft giggle, Olivia forgets to count all together and just focuses on his deeply belly laugh.

She finds him hiding under the piano. Jumping down to the floor she hears him scream loudly at being caught but to her surprise he doesn't run from her but runs in her arms nearly causing her to lose her balance.

"It's your turn." Teddy said happily

"My turn?" Olivia asked

"Yeah." Teddy said simply "you hide now and I'll find you."

"Teddy, I'm an expert hider. Are you sure you'll be able to find me?"

"Yeah." Teddy says helping Olivia stand up "I'll find you cause your heart will be beating really loud."

"I don't have a heart." Olivia said jokingly.

"Yeah you do!" Teddy yelled holding Olivia's hand tightly "you wouldn't be alive if you didn't, Liv."

She looks down at their hands merged together, she wasn't expecting the night to end the way it has. Her eyes burn slightly at Teddy guiding her.

With Teddy counting Olivia happily runs to hide but this time with the intentions of being found.

/

The music drifted from the ballroom, the din of greetings and deep conversations carried along with the light melody into the cool night air. Most of the festivities had moved to outside with the moonlight and fireflies lighting the terrace. Salacious conversations were mentioned at every corner, the who's who of Washington have arrived with hopes of clamoring to the King they have grown to love and respect and to his successor.

Donors, generals, governors and senators. Men and women dressed impeccably for a night aimed at setting aside political differences and indulging in the fruits of the middle class labor.

Whispers followed the man as he walked across the room. He heard some of them, he could guess what the ones he did not hear entailed. He was, as decided by the ghastly horde of matrons that seemed to make these kind of social announcements every season, the catch of the year. Every women and girl was eager to catch his eye with the hopes of ruling the world by his side.

"Vargas." Fitz says walking up and happily shaking the President- elect's hand.

"President Grant." Vargas returns with equal enthusiasm. President Grant had many flaws but Vargas always got the sense of good instilled inside of him though vulchers and monsters would circle around waiting for the opportunity to latch onto him.

"How do you feel?"

He inhales the cold crisp air and turns to smile joyfully at President Grant "I feel great."

Pleased with Vargas's answer; Fitz smiles too. "You will enter the White House with the hope of making it better and you will but it will come with sacrifices and hardship you have not yet imagined. I believe you can bring about great change."

"Thank you, President Grant. I promise to honor your legacy and hope to add to it with my own."

Patting Vargas's shoulders; Fitz walks away with a sense of ease at the transition of power.

It's colder up here. The wind was picking up speed he should walk back inside but he had to take this moment in. The job he's had has only ever been done by forty-five men, to be the President of the United States and rule the world with the aim of creating a more harmonized one in its place wasn't lost on him.

This was it for him. Every party he's ever gone too, he was always sought after to the point he would have to fake important calls just to get away, but this time…this time is different.

People are still coming to him but not like before. He looks down and eyes the crowd of people swarming the young blood pumping in Vargas's veins. If anyone is capable of remaining wholesome and wearing the white hat then it would most certainly be Vargas.

With a final look, he walks away and never looks back.

This social gathering was a party to some but to Olivia it is simply work. Work, to make and maintain her contacts with the most powerful men and women of Washington. This wasn't her favorite part of the job, but it is a necessary part that must be done.

She mingles with the guest exchanging false pleasantries.

"How do you feel with President Grant leaving the White House; you must be disappointed with losing your bread and butter?" A senator from Texas asked.

Olivia struggles to remain indifferent by the remarks but she's not surprise. Senator Edwards hated Olivia and Fitz together, and the more Olivia begun to think about it. No one actually approved of their relationship, with her being a black women and Fitz being a rich White man they most certainly didn't fit the hue of the conservative standpoint nevertheless they found love anyways.

"No, Senator Edwards I believe it is you that will be highly disappointed that your party lost and the chair you currently reside in will be taken over in approximately sixteen months. I'll always have a job with you keeping me in business." Olivia gloats proudly

Olivia rolls her eyes at his departing figure. Looking up at the stars she sees him looking down at the world he once ruled. She doubts he sees her but from her standpoint she's never seen a brighter or bigger star than him.

Watching Fitz walk back inside, Olivia felt compelled to follow him. She knew Emily was there but this time she didn't fear the repercussions of following her heart that began to beat louder with every step she made closer to him.

Olivia practically searched the entire house until she found him sitting at the piano.

Away from the party and others, it is beautifully silent with only the haunting melody playing softly in the background. She watches his slender fingers ghost over the keys as though he was painting and the keys were his canvas. Olivia watches him start a small interesting little tune, and she drinks, looking at the way his shoulders move with the rhythm he finds. He could be nobody at all and yet she knows he was always destined to be more than mediocre. And in the very next moment, the desire for connection burns through her.

When he finished, he jumped at the sound of clapping coming from a corner in the room.

He smiles happily at the sight of Olivia walking into the room, and sitting down beside him.

"Any request?" he asked

Exhausted from the pretense; Olivia's head falls on his shoulder. "my favorite?" Olivia says absentmindedly with her eyes closed.

Realizing what she requested, nervously she lifts her eyes up to find him smiling gently at her. Somehow she forgot what she was nervous about, mesmerized by the benevolence of his smile, by his deep eyes with indescribable color radiating from them. He doesn't say anything but just smiles at her gently before returning to playing.

The melody is beautiful and haunting as the crescendo builds and just as they come down:

 _"What is a youth. Impetuous fire." Fitz sings softly, his voice is quiet, a sort of instinctual sound without any sort of pretense_

 _"What is a maid? Ice and desire." Her voice echoes_

 _"The world wags on…"_

 _"A rose will bloom-" Olivia sings gently_

 _"It then will fade-"_

 _"So does youth." Fitz croons softly finishing the song with Olivia, feeling the familiar rhythm in his heart._

Every nerve in her body seems to strain towards him, pulled by the silently beautiful music. She smiles to herself pleased by the comfort awareness that comes with his presences.

"I can't believe that Romeo and Juliet is your favorite piece?"

"Middle school, left a lasting impression." Olivia jokes causing Fitz to laugh.

"It is a beautiful love story considering they were teenagers."

Olivia lightly wraps her arm around Fitz to keep him still. "But to them, their love was real."

"It was real." Fitz agrees "Cupid rules us all when it comes to love."

"Thank you for that." Olivia whispers softly as he finishes playing.

He turns his head a little, just enough to smile at her over his shoulder. He has such kind eyes, the sort of kindness that asks nothing in return. As his hands move on the keys again, the angle of his head following the movement.

Laying her head on his shoulder, he begins to play for her once again.

"I've never heard this one before?" Olivia says sleepily not wanting to disturb him but somehow being lull to sleep by the tender tune and his attendance. She would be lying if she said that the night spent with him gave her the best sleep she's had in quite some time.

"I created it" He says simply "did I ever tell you my mother was pianist."

"Yes"

He smiles a little to himself as he recalls the fond memories he shared with his mother. "She was brilliant. Truly gifted, she would have loved you."

"I would have loved to know her too." Olivia answers honestly "I would certainly thank her."

His eyes are glued to the keys "you have no reason to thank me, Olivia."

"I do." Olivia nods her head affirmably "I never realized just how much I've taken from you; how entitled I felt I was in regards to you."

"We've both taken advantage of each other." Fitz agrees.

Focused on playing, Olivia has an undisturbed view of him; the curvature of his throat delights her, but somehow she becomes more distracted by the way his lips move when he plays. His mouth is so vulnerable and soft she feels that sensation again with every part of her yearning towards him.

And he sees her looking at him, he knows he should object as he did not attend this function alone but his heart is pulling towards her in such sweet agony that he feels he might too combust with fatigue.

"Fitz." Her hand stills his arm and suddenly the room becomes still with tension rising between them. They shouldn't be doing this in a room that anyone could walk in but they can't help the feelings festering inside. Their bodies move closer to one another. An indescribable phenomenon occurs with the soft hum buzzing lightly in Olivia's ear at their close proximity.

Olivia leans in and Fitz parts his lips warmly, at her return. With a desperate breath being exchanged. Olivia turns his face to hers and kisses him without worry or fear.

She's in love. And always will be.


	6. The Light

**Just wanted to let you all know that this story is almost over. Only two chapters left. Until next time, Muse.**

X

There is a lightness to her that has been missing for quite some time. The air is cleaner, the grass is greener and somehow she is able to feel the warmth of the sun on her skin once again. She feels herself growing, slowly evolving into a person she desires to be.

It is a peculiar feeling for her. She stands on the brink of madness having lost the very things that made her who she is. Honor, integrity, loyalty, goodness, she staggers to rise having lost her anchor but it is here having fallen that she is able to appreciate how beautiful the top truly is.

That night spent watching him play the piano is forever engraved in her memory. How perfect they are together when finally left alone. Without a doubt, Olivia is aware of her problems and shortcomings but it was never him that she wanted to leave really. She thought and believed that if she left their relationship that her issues that became exposed would somehow become hidden once again. But she was wrong. And sometimes it is okay to be wrong just as long as you know the answer.

"I'm ready to make peace with myself."

He removes his glasses and measures Olivia's sincerity.

"Good. Now how do you do that?"

She exhales loudly "I come to terms with my past. I'll have to be open. Vocal. But I'm ready." Her eyes water "I'm ready to move on."

Time moves quickly and in their secession, she finally recognizes her many losses even the ones she refuses to acknowledge.

"I had an abortion." Her voice cracks but she doesn't cry. "Fitz doesn't know but I do." She plays with her hands absentmindedly "I don't think about it. It's as though I removed it from my memory. But." Her voice waivers "but everyone once in a while I'll feel an unexplainable emptiness. A void. And sometimes I'm not necessarily sure why I feel that way but I think at times it has something to do with that."

"You don't have to regret your decision in order to feel, Olivia. You've suffered quite dearly in your life and though the abortion was the right call for you, that doesn't mean you are not allowed to have remorse or to feel that weight. You not only lost the love of your life and the symbolic gesture of your future with him but you also lost yourself long before you lost him."

He smiles happily at Olivia for the first time. As a therapist he is able to separate himself from his clients but with Olivia he finds himself invested in her future, hoping and rooting for her to come out on top.

"You have reached a pinnacle point in your life, Olivia. You are trying to find yourself and at times it has come with hardships and breakdowns, but ultimately it has led you to this defining moment. Your breakthrough."

She laughs through the tears, reaching for his hand happily. "My father won't let me steer off course though."

"Then it's about time you make your own lane." He says genuinely "you have no idea just how remarkable you truly are. You created a family despite losing your own when you were a child. You found love though you have never experienced it before. You have suffered at the hands of others and yet you still rise to face them all. If anyone is capable of creating their own destiny and path then it would be you."

She lifts her head and feels ignited, reborn as though she been cleansed. There is an attention to hope and faith that she has never felt before.

"You can hide in the shadows or you can choose to stand in the light."

/

Despite the sun being out, there is nothing but darkness all around. She shakes her head nervously, she shouldn't be here. Every nerve, cell and chemical in her body was telling her to leave, to run as fast as she can away from him. But she can't. She blinks absentmindedly at the red door, wondering and fearfully thinking what he shall do to her in her defiance.

One.

Two.

Three.

With one last breathe she opens the red door.

/

They sit across from one another both wearing their armor of choice. With her white coat firmly on her shoulders she sits tall, firm, ready for the battle that will ensue.

"My daughter has finally returned home." Rowan says happily with his checkered shirt and sweater vest, attempting to hide his sinister side with that of a father.

"You don't have a daughter. You never did."

His head turns to stare at her, but he ignores her statement. "It has been some time since I have last seen you, Olivia. I've missed you."

She shakes her head, refusing to give into his lies, his schemes. "You don't miss me, you miss toying with me, manipulating me."

"I've never manipulated you. What happened was that you finally acknowledged that you are just like me, my offspring."

"I'm done being like you."

"You can't. I made you, you have my blood inside you. You are like me for better and for worse."

"No." Olivia says firmly "because of you, you have shown me who I can and who I desire to be. I won't be like you. I won't spend the rest of my life thinking of ways to torment and hurt the people I love."

Finally it hits him, and Rowan can't help but laugh. "Does he know that you aborted his child?" Rowan laughs loudly walking behind Olivia as she tries to leave. "He will never love you for that. What relationship can survive that? You have not only killed one of his children but now two."

She freezes at the personal jab. Momentarily stunned that they were going to fight this dirty, this low. Her lips tremble and her body quivers.

"What makes you think he will love you after all the destruction you have caused along the way. There is no possible way that a love like that can withstand."

Olivia lifts her head up "He doesn't have to. Either way, I'm done with you. I am not going to live my life filled with regret. At least I have the courage to fight instead of being a coward like you. You didn't fight for mom and because of that you have lived your life toying with others because of your own unhappiness. That won't be me. Not again!" Olivia vows

"Watch it, Olivia."

"Good luck, dad." Olivia says honestly "you wearing the dad outfit doesn't make you a dad." It finally dawns on Olivia that Rowan wearing the sweaters gives him the appearance of being 'good' but it's all an illusion.

"You are the reason why I had an abortion; because I hate myself for being like you and I wouldn't dare bring a child in this world with any resemblance of you in it. I did the right thing. But I will say this. I have a family. I have friends who missed me when I was kidnapped. I had the President of the United States going to war just to bring me back home. Who would look for you, dad? The world and the people living in it wouldn't know you are missing because you don't exist. I won't live my life like yours being lonely and miserable. I choose to be happy." With a kiss on the cheek, Olivia walks away and never looks back.

"Goodbye father."

/

Adrenaline is pumping through her veins. She holds her head high as she walks through the hall she once owned. The freshly waxed floor remain immaculate as her heels lightly tap against them. She doesn't recall how she came here only that her soul moved her to come here and look into the eyes of the man she swore forever.

"Hi Liv."

"Hi" her voice gives out as she closes the door to the oval. Nobody should see this. No one should hear them.

"I have something to tell you." Olivia rushes out moving closer to the desk. Closer to him "but in order for me to tell you, you can't say anything."

He drops his paper on his desk, setting his feet back on the floor. "I promise."

No matter how long she had spent planning this, nothing could prepare her for when the time finally came. She had memorized the words perfectly at this point, had been saying everything aloud to herself when she was alone, had been playing them over and over in her head like a broken record.

She looks at her surroundings-the place was eerily comfortable, without batting an eye-lash she could tell anyone where anything and everything was- surprisingly for the White House to be grand in size it was easily the smallest place she has ever lived.

With a nod she begins. "When we were together, living here at the White House; I had an abortion." His face is stoic, she can't read him. "we weren't doing well together and I had my many issues at the time. I felt trapped and having a child would have only closed the doors on me more, so the day we broke up. The day I missed your dinner, I was having an abortion. I'm telling you this now because I haven't really come to terms with it. I tried to remove it from my memory but that didn't work entirely, in order for me to acknowledge my lost and move on I had to tell you."

He was quiet for a moment, taking in her words. The silence is stifling, for what seems like eternity they stand in silence. Neither attempting to speak or leave the comfort ease that comes with their union.

She has sacrificed much of herself that she no longer resembles a human being but a monument. It is finally at this moment that the marble begins to crack and only there does she merge from the rubble.

"I'm so sorry." Olivia rushes out, biting her lip to stop herself from crying.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Fitz says getting up and walking towards Olivia.

Olivia exhales loudly, to silence her cries.

Like two atoms coming together she felt him all around her, the minute she stepped foot on the White House she could feel his presence at every corner. She practiced every word, movement, action-but under his stare she felt that all of her practicing had gone to waste.

Her eyes burn at the sight of him yet she can't bear to remove them. Fitz's eyes are both breathtaking and unsettling- the speckle of light has once again shined on her. His blue orbs are vast and deep like the ocean; suddenly she finds herself floating to the top of the ocean after being at the bottom of the sea for so long.

"You knew" Olivia whispers into the silent room, that shared their desires and dreams they had set out together and individually. Finally looking at Fitz, Olivia sees the truth, the key glowing so clearly in the iris of his eyes.

"I knew." Fitz whispers softly. Suddenly the weight she has been carrying dissipated into nothingness at hearing those words. All this time she has imagined him hating her, rejecting her. The many sleepless nights worried about what he will think of her. God. She never worried about what others may think of her but when it came to him. She wanted him to see her differently. His opinion about her matters.

In a flash she remembers everything. The fluorescent lights. The plastic gown. The pain that went phantom. For self-preservation she removed herself from the room altogether. It was as though Olivia was watching someone else at the time, she saw it but she couldn't feel, not until now.

No words were spoken throughout the procedure but the soft systematic humming still rings through her ears- over and over again.

Her eyes close painfully at the thought of moving on. If only it was that easy. While her life has remained standstill Fitz eventually began adventuring out in the world and finally met someone that was willing and capable of giving him everything he wanted.

Her head falls sadly to ground, not out of shame but the sudden warmth spreading over her.

She swallowed hard, attempting to clear her throat but finding that this only caused it to tighten further and made words even more difficult to form, and her eyes left Fitz's face to rest instead on the ground.

He smiles gently at her, knowing that he has found the women he first fell in love with.

"I'm sorry." He whispers in her ear.

It's too much. She can't breathe. "Stop apologizing." Olivia begs " This is my burden to bare. I have destroyed us and everything and everyone in my path. I am the black hole that devours everything in my path."

"I know that wasn't easy, Olivia." He moves to her but doesn't touch her. He knows she scared right now.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not." He shakes his head "I'm not fine." He says honestly "We weren't ready to start a family. I get that. But it doesn't mean it can't hurt, Liv. "

She was silent after hearing his words, anything she thought to say sounded insufficient when thoughts came to mind. Their eyes eventually locked and with his eyes firmly planted on her she saw her future of them together slowly ending before it ever began.

He looks down at the presidential seal, seeing the curse that comes with acquiring the job that rules the world.

"It was a part of you. It was a part of me." Fitz said softly causing Olivia to look at him with such pained eyes that he felt compelled almost to stop this fight before they even started.

"I think about it some days." His voice waivers as he gets caught in his favorite dream "I think about you being pregnant. The joy we would find in our child." He walks away "I dream about taking our child to soccer practices, you and I taking turns going to PTA meetings… Because you'll be busy saving the world you'll go out of town for work, but you never stay gone long. You can't really. Because you miss home as much as we miss you. We would have our challenges and some days would be more difficult than others but I think you and I would have found joy in being normal people. I think you and I would have been incredibly happy."

The painful void penetrating her heart where he once inhabited leaves her gasping for air.

At his declaration she runs towards him throwing her arms around him as she cries softly in the creak of his neck. He holds her in his arms tighter than he should but she doesn't protest.

"I think about it too." Olivia whispers as she looks at Fitz painfully. If asked neither would be able to tell how they came together after so much pain and hardship but like atoms they collide.

"What if I wasn't afraid?"

"What if I wasn't married when I met you?"

Her eyes dazzle with unshed tears "What if I wasn't kidnapped?"

Fitz smiles at Olivia sadly, wiping his own tear "what if…"

No words are spoken as they feel the weight between them. The intangible current echoing their final goodbye.

He opened his mouth to speak but she shook her head, her fingers press gently on his lips. Her insides begin to tremble and she found herself struggling to breath, her heart breaking at the realization that they have suffered greatly due to each other when all they ever wanted was to love one another.

"I know I have made many mistakes, but letting you go was the biggest one I've ever made."

He freezes at her confession, perplexed yet vulnerable about what this could mean to her, to them. "Don't think about it like that." He whispers quietly in Olivia's ear "we've suffered enough."

A tangible emotion begins to subtly encompass her. The intrinsic feeling she gets when in his presence; how unconsciously she feels pulled towards him; beyond her control. She chides herself for believing that maybe; just maybe he might still love her too.

"Fitz?"

"Yes Livvie?" She laughs softly at hearing her nickname being etched from his lips. My God has she missed hearing it.

Olivia pulls back from his embrace just enough to look in his eyes. Tears fall from her eyes freely as she allows herself to feel and fear what the future may bring her.

"I don't think Emily is the one for you."

"Why not?"

"Because I am"


	7. No More Timeouts

**This chapter is what I refer to as the '100 episode'. Next chapter is the epilogue. Sad to see this story go, it's been a creative outlet for me personally. But all good things must come to an end.**

 **Until Next Time,**

 **Muse XoXo**

 **This years love had better last**  
 **Heaven knows it's high time**  
 **And I've been waiting on my own too long**  
 **But when you hold me like you do**

 **It feels so right**  
 **I start to forget**  
 **How my heart gets torn**  
 **When that hurt gets thrown**  
 **Feeling like you can't go on**

 **This Year's Love- David Gray**

X

The brightly lit room is filled with congressmen and women. The energy surrounding the coming king is intoxicating, surreal rather. He walks in the room and the people make away for him to take his place at the throne. He stands in the middle of the room waiting for his predecessor to join and he does. The crowd cheers wildly for the true king. Fitz walks proudly into the crowd parting for him like the sea, with each step he makes, a hand touches him, a sentence whispered for only him to hear 'well done, Mr. President.' Yes, job well done indeed. He was breed to be President, the chosen one since the day he was born. Hardship, has frequented his life many times. It was in this office that he almost died, lost his son, his wife, and the women he called the love of his life. He tragically fell from grace and the pristine castle he resided in for many years, but it is now at the finish line that he sees his sacrifices were not in vain.

At last he has finally earned the people.

He smiles at the familiar faces and the new ones coming into D.C to make their own mark in history. His mark on the world will not be forgotten, but the time has come for him to go and live a normal life as possible. It is a refreshing feeling to be okay with an ending even one as tragic as Fitzgerald Grant.

Inside the spacious ballroom, candles and chandelier lights make the marble floors visible, as the room glows with amber. Every seat is filled for this splendid inaugural ball filled with celebration for the new president and mourning for the one they will lose.

If Olivia listens closely she can faintly still hear the orchestra playing and only imagine the first couple dancing together as the crowd swoons and gathers around them.

She walks the hall only to find it empty, the busiest house in America is finally quiet. Slowly, the Grant Administration was dwindling in size every few days, until finally it was only Fitz and his soldiers manning the doors. The transition has been running smoothly but it didn't change that the people Fitz saw every day would go on and find other jobs. It was hard to put it lightly, Fitz held many parties and celebration for his staff and the people he considers family, but for the first time in eight years he was truly and finally alone.

The idea of embarking on a solo journey does not frighten him. The unknown, while is intimidating it is a different sort of splendor he has never truly tasted before. With one chapter closing another one is opening.

She walks into the oval, surprised that no one was there to greet her. The White House was finally empty. She looks around the empty room, taking it all in for the last time.

This room contains secrets too sacred to be heard and memories too raw to reveal.

"What are you doing here?" Fitz asked walking back into the room from his secret entrance.

She smiles softly, rubbing her stomach to calm her nerves. "this is your last day."

"It is." Fitz says softly

Slowly Olivia begins to walk towards him "shouldn't you be at the inaugural ball?" Olivia asked thinking that Fitz would be gone by the time she came here.

"I was but like you said, it's my last day." He walks slowly towards Olivia "I just wanted to take it all in, one last time. Nobody's here but me… and now you."

"Where's Emily?"

"I don't know. I think two states away, she went back home."

"What happened?" Olivia whispers gently lifting her eyes

"We broke up."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Are you?" Fitz asked jokingly

"She was nice."

Fitz nods his head in agreeance "she was very nice."

Olivia smiles gently at the familiar feeling rising in her bosom.

"Why are you here, Olivia?" Fitz asked gently, stopping himself from walking to her.

Olivia freezes, fumbles with idea of talking, "Do you remember your first night, here?"

"How could I forget." Fitz said stopping himself from walking over to her. "That was the first time you called me, 'Mr. President', and the dress you are wearing now resembles the dress of my inaugural…" Looking at Olivia closely he takes her all in "are you wearing that for me?"

Olivia looks everywhere but at him, uncertain what she might see in his grey eyes, yet she lifts her head to shyly meet his gaze, feeling somewhat brazen. Her hands cup his face and he subconsciously leans into her touch.

"We started your first day in office together, I felt we should only finish it together as well."

"Is that right?"

"It is tradition." Olivia argues

"Well, I certainly don't want to break that."

His eyes peer down at hers; he feels the jolt of electricity run through his veins at her statement.

His eyes met hers and butterflies fluttered at her core.

"Are you trying to sleep with me, Ms. Pope?"

She can't recall the last time he called her that but every nerve inside suddenly became stimulated under his command. "We are doing this for the republic" Olivia says jokingly

"We have always put our country first." Fitz acknowledges

"We did." Olivia agrees "even before ourselves."

"Screw them" Fitz says flirtatiously "I've waited long enough."

"Me too."

"Tell me what I want to hear"

Olivia laughs loudly but gently backs away from him "Mr. President."

Fitz moans loudly at the sound causing Olivia to laugh at the lightness once again forming around them "I'm going to miss you calling me that, say it again."

Olivia bites her lip before speaking "You'll always be my favorite President." Olivia whispers backed into the desk with Fitz standing in front of her, stopping her from moving away.

He sighs heavily at how life has brought him to this moment.

"There you are." Fitz says breathlessly, amazed that after all this time and pain Olivia still manages to take his breath away completely.

The silence between them was deafening but not in the way one would think. Silence fills the room that shared the blissful union of their future, their desire to change the world and hopefully be able to enjoy the sacrifices they made for the Republic.

They have sacrificed much of their soul and heart, they sacrificed their love for one another, hoping but never actually believing that one day the world would repay them back for their long suffering, but finally it appears that the world has made good on their promise to them.

The tension and energy that was in the room, morphs into something different, something real, something true. Relief. After all the years, after all the heartbreak and betrayal, they were still able to find one another hidden underneath the rubble.

Her luminescent orbs shine with unshed tears and he has come up with the notion that she is able to pierce his soul. With trepidation Olivia caresses his cheek, smiling happily at him and their sacred promise that the world was never privileged to see.

They have suffered enough. It is time for them to enjoy their tender epilogue. They deserve the life they are owed.

"I've missed you." Her head drops with nerves.

"I've been waiting for you." She freezes at his confession

Her eyes found his and every bit of longing stored there called out to her. As if an invisible string existed between them, they took tentative steps even closer to one another.

"I'm still very messed up." Olivia acknowledges "I don't know where I belong."

"You don't belong here." Fitz replies agreeing with her "you belong with me." He reaches out and touches her cheek.

"Fitz" she pleads at the feel of his soft hand cradling her cheek.

"We have suffered greatly, aren't you tired of running?"

Her head falls in shame. "It seems running is the only thing I know how to do."

"I guess I'll have to grab my running shoes."

"I don't want you to run." Olivia says honestly "I'm a work in progress. But if you are patient with me I think we could find happiness, somehow."

"I'll be patient." Fitz vows.

Unable to withstand he traces her lip with his thumb and watches as her mouth opens for him. The magnetic pull draws her near like a moth to a flame; her skin is ablaze at the touch of his finger.

"I love you, Fitz."

His voice is ethereal like a whisper but the pitch vibrates throughout the walls and lands softly on her warm skin. She can hear it in the sound of his voice, the deep baritone.

"And I love you."

Tenderly stroking her hair he gazes down at her fondly, her skin is lightened by the moon, soft as velvet under his callous fingertips. His mouth turns dry as sand as he fights the urge to consume the woman standing before him and be consumed. "You are so beautiful." He whispers to himself as he sees her; with eyes fused he bends his head and places a soft kiss on her lips, he attempted to stop but her lips continued to dance with his.

His tongue coaxes her mouth open and she moans loudly as she grips his shoulder bringing him closer to her. Dear God, has she missed him. The way his lips move to accommodate hers, how his lips part to give her freedom to set the pace. She cries in his mouth, never imaging that they would taste as sweet as they do right now.

She lets out a sharp gap as her lips remove from his, her lips are red and swollen, and her eyes glow with passion and warmth, her skin burns with touch and thoughts.

Gently she moves to sit on the desk, without a request she spreads her legs for him. Silently asking him to join her in the world that they made.

An invitation he cannot refuse.

She slides his jacket off. He unzips her dress. Her hands leisurely fall to his belt, staring at him all the while unzipping his pants.

The first brush of her lips against his was gentle. But she wanted more, craved more of him. Olivia strains upwards, meeting him midway, her mouth angles towards his, her tongue slipping past his lips to play with his. Her skin catches fire at the feel of his lips.

She pushes into him, her hands planted firmly on his neck to hold him in place.

Their lips wretch apart for a second

"Touch me." She grabs his hand and places it gently on her breast "touch me here."

"Olivia…" Her name again, whispered in a way that no one else had ever done.

She becomes absent breath at the feel of his hands touching her breast.

He brushes his nose down the length of hers, his teeth grating along her jawline. She could hear him pant, breathing her in. The breath she hadn't realized she was holding expelled in a passionate rush.

Their tongues touched and lust exploded inside of her when his arms encased her frame, effectively trapping her in his embrace. Olivia moans; her body a livewire of feeling. Everything feels intensified, sensitive and hot.

He carries Olivia to the couch, having her sit on his lap.

"I never made love to you on this couch."

"You haven't." Olivia plays with his ear agreeing "the cameras will definitely get a show today."

Fitz laughs loudly knowing security his seen their share of them "Just a teaser." Fitz promises

Silence fills the room. He can see Olivia questioning herself.

"You are more than welcome to touch me."

Olivia chuckles shyly "I haven't seen you in so long…" her voice breaks "I forgot what you look like."

"Well." Fitz grabs Olivia's hand placing it on his heart "get reacquainted."

Her hands tremble at her own exploring, she traces the few scars from his childhood that brand his body. There is a slash on his abdomen on the right side of his rib; she outlines his abs and watches bumps begin to spread across his body. She does not look in his eyes as her hands travel his body but she is blissfully aware of the effect she is having on him. The tightening in his pants straining to be freed, feeling somewhat brazen Olivia lifts her head up to meet his gaze.

He looks down at her and smiles gently remembering that she always becomes embarrassed by the effect she has over him. She has no idea just how riveting she truly is, how the blush of her cheeks causes his heart to swell, how his spirit expands under the pleasure that comes with her existence.

Standing up Olivia slowly pulls her panties off from under her dress.

Intoxicated by the act, Fitz begins to rise from the couch only to be pressed back down. Olivia presses her palms into the muscles of his shoulder, beckoning him to sit as she raises her legs on the sides of his hips. Her legs straddling over his thighs, feeling the thick heat of his cock pressed up against her, she smiles down at him softly as she lifts her hips to rub herself against him.

She looks down at him in amazement, and unapologetically she touches him, fingers curled around his cock, and he makes a soft hum – a mixture of pleasure and pain. She looks at him as she strokes him, bold and impenitent now, hoping to cajole away the darkness that seems to follow them wherever they go.

He groans, low and deep, bringing his mouth down to hers. The kiss is raw, desperate, his lips moving over hers, wanting more, needing more.

She squeezes around him and then guides him to her entrance slowly, sinking down gently onto him. She gasps out, quiet, holding still even as he shudders, waiting to adjust to the press of his cock inside of her. Her nails dig into his back as she eases his cock inside her slowly.

He does not look away from her as she pulls herself down on him, and she cannot either. It is intimate and bearing on uncomfortable, to be so close that she can see the heavy sweep of his eyelashes and the lines of his face, but she does not want to look anywhere else. Unable to resist touching her she feels his hands on her hips, on her thighs, up along her back.

He hisses in pleasure as she makes note to engrave the moment so she may relish upon it at night. Her body flushes with desire at the power he gives her, the freedom she's never tasted.

Olivia braces herself against his chest, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest and heart, but also the soft hitch of his breath. She looks at him, and it is not only pleasure she sees but the elasticity of their hearts swelling by their reunion

"Olivia" he groans.

His eyes are dazed, the darkest grey she has ever seen, and he looks up at her- hypnotized and fully under her spell, touching her hips, as if she is salvation itself.

A tear falls from Olivia's eyes, as she is overcome with emotions. She thought of this moment for over two years that she can barely breath at the thought. To actually taste the sweetness of his lips and the salt from his tears. Her dreams could never compare to this moment.

She keeps her eyes open as she kisses him slowly, she watches the range of emotions appear on his face once she touched his lips, his eyes are closed shut as if afraid to open and be robbed this moment but before she could say anything a tear escapes and it is at this moment that she knows with certainty that he does love her. Gently she kisses his tear away and places it with her own as she moves her mouth to be joined with his again.

She rides him progressively; his hands are fixed on her. Fitz gazes up at her, his lips slightly opened, staring at her, downing her in, how her hair falls over one shoulder, the gentle bounce of her breasts, the camber of her stomach as she curves and bends to take him in.

"Stay with me" Olivia begs as she watches Fitz's eyes close in ecstasy, gingerly removing the sweat forming on his forehead as she rides against him.

His eyes open at her command. Gently one hand lifts to push back a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered down the curve of her cheek, all the way down to her chin and in a gentle motion; he tilts her head down to meet his gaze.

"Always"


	8. The End

**This story is completed. My heart is both heavy yet happy with how this chapter comes to end. But I will be updating my other stories now since this one is done. I hope you all have a great day and enjoy!**

 **Until Next Time,**

 **Muse XoXo**

 **This years love had better last**  
 **Heaven knows it's high time**  
 **And I've been waiting on my own too long**  
 **But when you hold me like you do**

 **It feels so right**  
 **I start to forget**  
 **How my heart gets torn**  
 **When that hurt gets thrown**  
 **Feeling like you can't go on**

 **This Year's Love- David Gray**

X

 **EPIILOGUE**

"Ms. Wright, I can assure you that your reputation will remain unscathed, but." Olivia hands her the file containing the actress's most secretive and personal information "time is ticking."

She looks through the file horrified that Olivia has managed to find all of this dirt on her in a matter of days. "How did you?" she asked shocked

"My team and I are very good at we do for a living." Olivia says calmly

"Does anyone else have this?"

"No" Olivia responds promptly "but that doesn't mean they can't find this."

Rebecca Wright was the most sought after actress in Hollywood, she has managed to break the barrier for women in the movie business, not only does she command top billing but she also managed to lead in action films. A genre that particularly preferred her male count parts over her, but she did it. The work, the sacrifices are all being jeopardized over who she fell in love with.

"Ms. Wright."

"Call me Rebecca, please."

Olivia smiles sadly "Rebecca, in five days your husband will unleash hell, everything and everyone you know will forget about you as the person, the icon and see you only as a spectrum. "

"I offered to pay him."

"He's hurt." Olivia says calmly "money sometimes doesn't solve everything, he wants you to feel his pain."

"I'm feeling it." Rebecca says softly removing the lone tear that managed to escape.

"We can't stop him from unleashing hell but we can control the story if we act now."

A minute passes without a word being said. Olivia more than anyone knows that time doesn't stop just because you want it to, there are times where we have to face the music and keep moving on through the pain.

"Rebecca" Grabbing her hand she smiles willfully at her "I know more than anybody what it's like to be on top of the world one day and to be lower than the ground the next, but. Who you love, you should never have to hide that."

She cries sadly at having to hide herself out of fear.

"I'm scared." She says honestly

Olivia nods her head in agreeance "it would scare me if you weren't."

They laugh softly at the joke.

"Rebecca, you love a women and that is okay. You shouldn't be punished for loving someone and having them love you back. I promise, I will not let you fall. The world doesn't shame love. We root for it. Trust me, when I tell you that I can turn the worst day of your life into a better one."

She stares at Olivia, deciding whether to trust her or to follow her own PR team.

"Okay." She says after a minute of silence

Olivia nods her head in confirmation before rising to action. "Quinn, call Dianne Sawyer and plan our exclusive interview."

"What!" Rebecca yells standing up alarmed.

"Rebecca, we can hide in the shadows or we can stand in the light and own our truth. Who you are and who you want to be matters. Representation matters. Own your life and know that it is yours and yours alone. Trust me."

/

Her feet are swollen, her body aches after the grueling three days on the road, running from station to station, reporter to reporter. She drops her bag at the door, automatically feeling the weight of the world being removed from her shoulders, she exhales loudly.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy!" Her heart begins to burst at the sight of her three year old daughter running to her with such vigor and glee.

She crouches down to the ground picking her up warmly.

"Hi baby" Olivia says excitedly rubbing her daughter's head sweetly.

"I missed you."

Olivia smiles happily at her daughter "I missed you more." Olivia promises

"Did you have a good day?" Her daughter asked sitting in her lap

Olivia nods her head while staring at her daughter "I did, but coming home to you and daddy made my day the best."

"Daddy's cooking."

"He is?"

Lucy nods her head "he said you would be tired from saving the world."

Olivia laughs loudly kissing her daughter on her forehead while they walk hand and hand into the kitchen.

"Hi"

Turning around Fitz smiles at his wife.

"Hi"

Olivia walks to him, kissing him soundly on the lips before wiping her lipstick off his lips.

"I didn't hear you." Fitz says

"I was trying to sneak in" Olivia says wrapping her arms around his waist, softly inhaling his scent that seems to soothe her.

"How was your day? Was she difficult?"

"I actually knew where she was coming from, she's in love with someone she wasn't supposed to love. I've been there for before." Olivia says knowing Fitz would catch the subtle mention of them.

Fitz turns around to face Olivia kissing her gently on the lips.

"Daddy!"

"Yeah Lu?" Fitz asked turning to look down at his daughter.

"I want a hug too."

Olivia smiles at her family, she somehow managed to make. There are days were she pinches herself in disbelief that her daughter is real, that the man she always loved is finally hers and she is his. The beauty that comes with life sometimes leaves her breathless at the endless possibilities life has in store for her, and for them.

"How was school?" Olivia asked carrying her daughter on her hip

"I draw a picture."

"You did!" Olivia said excitedly

Lucy nods her head happily at her mother being so excited to see her work.

Jumping out of her mom's arms she runs upstairs to grab her backpack.

"How long do you think we have?" Fitz asked

"Knowing Lucy, I'll say one minute."

Grabbing his wife, Fitz traces her lips with his thumb "one minute?"

"One minute" Olivia whispers before connecting her lips with his once again.

It amazes her still to this day, how far they have come separately and as a unit. The first year of marriage came so quickly and the thing that surprised her the most was that she wasn't afraid or planning her next escape but quite the contrary. The second year of marriage came and went and before she knew it, Olivia was softly requesting that they should add an addition to their family. Life with Fitz showed her that love wasn't something to fear; that happiness is a victory that anyone can achieve if they so choose and Olivia most certainly did.

At the end of the day love became her greatest strength. In the past five years Olivia has learned more about herself then she ever thought possible. The idea of becoming a mother was a daunting challenge and fear but the more she surrounded herself around love, the more accepting she became about it being possible.

 _She remembers the day Lucy was born. The pain was excruciating, the day was never ending but holding her hand thorough out it all was her husband, her champion, her best friend, her one true love._

 _"Just breathe" he whispers in Olivia's ear as the contraction leads her gasping for air._

 _"I can't" Olivia cries "I can't Fitz" Olivia pleads "It hurts"_

 _"I know baby" he cradles her head, gently pushing back her hair "but I'm so proud of you"_

 _"She's not here yet" Olivia cries in pain_

 _"But she will be" Fitz promises "This your baby, Livvie. You have worked too hard and come too far to let her go." Pushing back his sleeves, Fitz grabs Olivia's hand "we made her together, let's do this together." Fitz smiles softly "just you and me"_

 _Olivia nods her exhausted "Just you and me"_

 _With one finale look at Fitz, Olivia pushed with every bit of strength she had until she heard her cry._

 _The world stopped moving. Time stopped clicking, all by the sound of her cry. The moment was unlike anything she has ever experienced before. The room went silent as only her voice echoed throughout the room._

 _Quickly the nurse places Lucy on Olivia and the minute she heard her mother's heartbeat she stopped crying._

 _Fitz blinks back the tears threatening to fall at the sight of Lucy in her arms. Olivia doesn't attempt to shy away from the tears running down her face, her hands begin to shake at visceral feeling she is feeling at this moment. The overwhelming joy spreading throughout her body._

 _"Hi Lucy" Olivia whispered with her own tears falling down her face._

 _For Olivia, this defining moment set every hardship and heartbreak in place. All the bad that happened in her life brought her to this moment where it would all be worth it. She was afraid, though she never told Fitz but the second she heard her cry every piece of her body became alive._

 _For so long she has told herself that this wasn't possible, not for someone like her, not for someone who has done the things she did. This was never even a dream for her, such notion seemed incongruous to her at the time but she did fantasize about the idea of becoming a mother every once in a blue moon. But not even her wildest dream would be able to quench this indescribable thirst of love filling her veins and pumping into her major arteries and organs, somehow giving life a new meaning._

 _The nurse places Lucy on her chest, and within seconds her cries ceases at the only sound she's ever known; her mother's heartbeat._

"Have I ever thanked you?"

Fitz looks up from his plate "for what?"

Olivia smiles with tears in her eyes as she looks at their daughter "for her" Olivia pauses "I never knew…" she stops talking to regain her strength "I never knew that _this_ was real. That _she_ was real. You and her had been waiting for me to get my act together and I'm sorry for taking so long to catch up to you"

Grabbing Olivia's hand, Fitz looks down at her wedding ring. "We found each other though."

Kissing the palm of Fitz's hand, Olivia turns to her daughter.

"Mommy"

"Yes?"

"Tell me your good and bad part of the day."

What started as a general question and curiosity turned into a family tradition. She supposes it feels cliché to have family traditions but Olivia relishes them. The joy of creating and making her own family despite losing her own at a young age is not lost on her, she believes it is a reason why she makes it a point to always be home with her family every weekend because it's movie Saturday and every Sunday she'll go grocery shopping so that she could make her daughter her lunches for the week just in case she has to fly out for a client.

Taking a sip of her wine, Olivia smiles happily at her daughter "Well I didn't have a bad part of my day because everything turned out great for my client but my best part of the day was coming home to you and daddy."

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Lu?"

"Can I have your tea?"

Olivia chokes on her food at her daughter requesting to drink Fitz's scotch

"Daddy we share" Lucy begins reprimand easily taking on Olivia's motto

Olivia looks at Fitz turning red from laughing so hard

"Gib me some tea" Lucy says laughing along with her parents though she wasn't sure what exactly what was so funny.

"That's your daughter, Liv!" Fitz said still laughing

"My daughter!" Olivia yells back "she's taking after you with that desire for _tea_ "

"Lu" Fitz calls out to get his daughter's attention "what is mommy drinking?"

Looking at her mom's purple glass closely, Lucy stumbles with question "umm" bending down to look at the glass "purple milk." Lucy says proudly causing Olivia and Fitz to stumble over with laughter. Laughing was an action Olivia did not partake in, there was never anything to laugh about except her inexplicable use of projecting, yet now all she does is laugh and laugh until her belly becomes sore with the constant tightening.

"Come on" Olivia says grabbing Fitz's hand to stop him from washing the dishes after dinner.

"We have to clean up the kitchen, you go ahead and go to bed and I'll take care of Lu and the kitchen."

"No" Olivia pouts pulling Fitz away "we are going to bathe our daughter together and then we will clean the kitchen together and after that…."

"What's after that?" Fitz asked seductively wrapping his arms tightly around Olivia's waist

"You'll just have to wait and find out, won't you?"

"Aren't you going to be tired?" Fitz asked concerned knowing that Olivia has been across the country in California for the past four days while they live in D.C

"I'm never tired of you." Olivia says walking upstairs hand and hand with Fitz.

Olivia was getting ready to give Lucy a bath, until Fitz came in and stood by the door watching Olivia as she got Lucy in the tub

"Do you mind if I come in and help you?"

Olivia smiled sweetly "Of course, We love daddy right Lu?"

Lucy nodded her head happily "I love mommy and daddy."

Laughing Fitz rolled up his sleeves and got on his knees, Olivia went and sat on the toilet and watched Fitz as he bathed Lucy. No matter how much they did this routine, it never got old only better. Fitz was always a good father but seeing him with Lucy everyday just changed her entire philosophy. Fitz was different but in the sexiest way possible, he was more attentive, more alluring, he was always thoughtful and kind but there was something different in him that made her get lost in his piercing blue eyes.

Watching Fitz with Lucy only intensified her yearning for him. She never grew tired of him no matter how much she saw him, their blissful bond had always remained intact even when they were at their most acrimonious times.

Olivia watched Fitz closely as he bathed their daughter. It did nothing to suppress her libido if anything it only intensified it; Fitz's bulging biceps, his relaxed smile as he looked at their daughter, his white shirt clinging to him; Olivia was able to see his defined abs through his wet shirt. Closing her legs, she bit her lip and watched as her husband, the father of her child bathe their daughter.

"Do you want wash her hair?" Fitz asked turning around to look at Olivia

Without saying a word, Olivia moved to sit beside him by the tub as they washed Lucy's hair together.

"What's wrong?" Fitz asked walking out of Lucy's room after putting her down.

She pulls his shirt, forcing him into her "your perfect." She whispers

Looking at him she grabbed the bottom of his shirt, Fitz quietly lifted his hands up as Olivia removed his shirt. With his shirt on the floor, Olivia reached for his pants, but he grabbed her hands and looked at her soft brown eyes.

"Take off your clothes" His thick baritone voice echoed through the room sending chills down Olivia's spine.

Hoisting her up Fitz carried Olivia, and softly placed her on the bed, Fitz moved on top of her kissing her lips with as much passion as he could must. Breathless he looked at Olivia and ran his fingers through her hair out of breath and completely and utterly dazzled he whispered "I love you Livy"

Smiling at hearing Fitz's declaration, Olivia scooted further into bed while keeping her eyes focused on Fitz, there was something different about Fitz that told her, he was going to send her to the moon and stars

Lifting her head slightly, she crashed her lips against her husband, inviting his warm tongue into her mouth. Kissing Fitz with everything that she had, she claws at him- yearns for him in a way that makes her completely insane yet sane.

Removing himself from her, he looks at down at her. Her breath peaks when she sees him slowly unbutton her pants while maintain eye contact the whole time, she squirms to help but every time she does he pushes her hands above his head "Next time you move, I'm going to handcuff you." He says deeply

He slides her pants off and then her shirt comes off, she lays on the bed in only her bra and panties, she licks her lip in anticipation; being with Fitz has changed her, she has become self-resilient, fearless in a way she always wanted to be- strong but not overpowering, sensual but not improper.

Fitz watches her with steady eye; he unfastened the front of her bra and pulled it off.

He slips the tips of his fingers inside the elastic band of her panties. Cool fingers massaged her stomach. He tugged her panties down her legs and crouched before her, easing her feet out of the fabric.

She lays herself out for him, and she has never felt more beautiful, wanted.

he lifted her foot, kissed the instep and started running kisses on her skin as he worked his way back up her body, lingering at the apex of her legs and then up her ribcage to her breasts.

"What do you want Olivia?" His voice drops an octave as he watches the unfinished masterpiece lay before him

"Make me feel beautiful." She says softly gently throwing her feet on his thigh and slowly up to his chest, rubbing it back and forth

Slowly spreading her legs apart, he takes a deep breath, letting his eyes feast on the naked body of the women laid out before him. Lying down on his stomach he looks up at her while kissing her clit making contact for the first time.

"Fitz" she gasped at the feel of his lips on her

"Please…." Olivia begs

Looking up at her he smirks as he leans back down and flicks his tongue against her clit making her moan again in pleasure

"Fitz…" she moans as her eyes flutter as he continues to tease her

Fitz silences her with his mouth as he continues to stroke her, her whimpers and moans of pleasure are music to his ears; he keeps his eyes open -afraid to blink and miss the miraculous vision of love and making love. He wants to see all of her. He wants to see her fall apart and he wants to be the reason why- that it is his touch, his kisses, his love that allows her to spiral out of control and that only he and he alone can possess her the way she has possessed him.

His eyes never leave hers as he slowly rises to his knees.

Immediately she frowns and moans at the space between them and his lack of lips and warmth on her body. With her heart beating in her throat, her eyes rose to meet him and looked with trepidation at the thought he wished to stop. Her cheeks flame with color as she tries to soothe the burning tingling of her body.

His thighs part her own, his legs spread wide, forcing her to hook her ankles around his calves.

Olivia could not remember ever feeling as mindless or out of control. Her need for him is unlike anything she has ever experienced before.

He teases her, prodding his head near her entrance, enticing her.

"Please." She pants, she is dying and her only salvation strings from him.

Reaching up Olivia guides Fitz where she knows he belongs, in one stroke he buries himself in her as he devours her lips to silence her moan. A satisfying sound escapes her mouth as she lifts her head to look at him. The look in her eyes is unspeakable she fights to breath at the fullness of him inside her. His hands are planted firmly to ground as he finally becomes one with her.

As she stretches to make room for him, he slowly and meticulously begins to grind against her with a tight grip on her thigh to hold her against him. She whimpers as she feels him bringing her pleasure, he silences her moans with a passionate kiss. Her lips are like velvet as he swallows her mouth whole wanting to taste all of her. His fingers rake though her hair, feeling like strands of soft silk, his lips kiss the hollow of her neck, teasing, and sucking to entice her to cry out in pleasure.

It is inside her that he sees he is where he belongs; he is made for her and she is made for him. Her body concaves to fit him; releasing her essences to draw him in further and further into her tight body. Every thrust was as fierce as the last with an urgency to fill her up all the way to the hilt. The sound of sweet pleasure escaping her plush lips lures him to continue, striking something within him that wishes to hear her cry out the sound of his name.

Her breath disperse, her lips quiver.

/

"Tell me again?" Fitz asked while lying in bed

"You're just in shock that she's a lesbian."

"I'm shocked, but I'm happy for her. Not that my opinion matters to her."

"She was scared coming out but in two days, her interview will go public." Olivia says kissing Fitz's bare shoulder while they talk in bed like they always do.

"How do you feel?"

"I think she will stand tall and own her truth." Olivia says honestly

"You have really branched out, Liv."

"Thanks to you."

"No" Fitz chides rubbing Olivia's back soothingly "you were going in that direction, I just pushed you in that direction sooner."

"I was so nervous helping clients outside of Washington, especially celebrities. And now I'm expanding OPA."

"But you're natural and they know you are the best." Olivia smiles at Fitz's complement. Even if she was having a bad day, hearing his voice would change her entire output for the day.

"I just hate being away from you two." Olivia whispers

Kissing her forehead he tightens his grip "we'll be here when you come back home."

"She's perfect Fitz, I hate being away from her and you but…"

"You don't have to explain yourself, we've discussed this before. If you have a dream or desire I will help you achieve it. You don't have to compromise your career for your family, I'm not asking you to."

Looking up at Fitz she smiles at him "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"I've been thinking." Olivia whispers with her voice giving out

"Yeah?" Fitz asked turning to look at Olivia

"We should try" she interlocks their hands "we should try for another baby."

She waits a minute before looking up at his mildly surprised face "really?"

Olivia nods her head "yeah, I don't want Lucy growing up alone. "

Fitz smiles at her happily "okay"

"Okay" Olivia repeats

"I think we should try again, right now." Fitz moves to lay on top of Olivia causing her to giggle.

"We already did that today, several times might I add."

"We're just being through that's all." Fitz responds warmly "we could have already made him."

Olivia laughs as her fingers play with Fitz's hair "what makes you think the next time would be a boy?"

"Because it's a boy. I need a boy to help balance out the house, plus I need a break from doing Lucy's hair when you aren't here."

Olivia begins to laugh at the idea of Fitz being outnumbered "But I love that you know how to do her hair that you took the time to learn. It's sweet." Olivia answers honestly.

"Well…she is my baby."

"Let's make another one "

"Yeah?"

"Yeah" Olivia whispers "having babies with you, is probably one of the smartest decisions I made and plus your loaded so."

Fitz falls on his back laughing at Olivia "I forgot, you are only with me for my money."

"Yup, plus you have good hair so."

"I'm not sure whether I should be offended or flattered."

"How about a baby?"

Looking over at Olivia with such happiness in his heart he smiles from ear to ear "I'll take a baby."

/

"Growing up, I was abandoned by my parents. Life wasn't always a dream for me. I faced many hardships. Much sadness and unfathomable pain. That pain was the reason why I created Olivia Pope and Associates because I believed that if I helped someone they in return would help someone else and maybe, just maybe the world could become a better a place." Olivia looks around the room as she speaks to the crowd.

"I have had my share of scandals. My reputation, my life's work was almost over because of who I fell in love with." She pauses for a moment as she recalls all the pain and destruction that came with loving the married president.

"What we did wasn't right but does that make us bad people?" Olivia asked the crowd

"Is it possible that good people can make bad decisions or is it a bad decision at all?" Olivia ponders "my job is not to question who you are and the sins you have committed. My job is to help you through the worst day of your life. I've been called, angel, hero, savior, devil, and monster. Depending on which side of the table you sit from me, I can be all of those things."

"I am the best in my profession. That is not arrogance, it is a fact. And I should be the best considering the many scandals I have been a part of myself." Olivia says causing the crowd to laugh with her. "But I did fall from grace and I fell many times trying to reach the top until I finally asked for help. It was humbling and painful but I learned just how beautiful it is to reach the top with someone walking by your side every step of the way. It was that feeling that inspired me to expand Olivia Pope and Associates and to stand in front you all right now. OPA is no longer just a name but a value, a principle. Expanding Olivia Pope and Associates was not an easy decision but as I stand before you all I see friends, family, loved ones who inspired me not to give up on myself and my dream no matter how hard it became. My name is Olivia Pope and welcome to Pope and Associates."

The crowd rises to their feet in a standing ovation. Her name is being echoed throughout the large room, the screams and cheers are deafening but turning gently to her left all she can hear is her voice fading out the others, her eyes water at the sight of Fitz holding their daughter in his arms as they cheer for her.

Standing tall she lifts her head to embrace the crowd.

It's handled.


End file.
